Gwyneth Paltrow has long believed she can sell us basically anything at way too high of a price through her infamous lifestyle brand, Goop. And considering Goop is still around over a decade after its inception—and is getting its own Netflix series, The Goop Lab—she must be right. But that doesn’t mean the wares Paltrow peddles aren’t, well, bizarre.
The latest entry into Goop’s catalog of absurdities? A vagina-scented candle.
Literally, the candle is called “This Smells Like My Vagina.”
Made up of “geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes with Damask rose and ambrette seed,” the whole shebang certainly begs a lot of questions. Do some people’s vaginas really smell like “citrusy bergamot?” Is this literally scented after Paltrow’s vagina in particular? Who spends $75 on any candle, let alone one supposedly smelling like a vagina?
We ask the questions, but do we really want to know any of the answers? It feels like this rabbit hole can’t possibly lead anywhere that a rational person would want to go.
Fortunately, it’s the most bizarre things that spark the best responses on the internet, and Goop’s pricey burnable vajayjay is no exception to the rule.
“Going to make my own vagina candle like Gwen,” Twitter user @WaxDragonflies wrote. “It’ll smell like vanilla and all the souls I’ve had to destroy to keep myself youthful and tight.”
https://twitter.com/WaxDragonflies/status/1215997300146831361
Another Twitter user shared their mother’s reaction to the product announcement, and like, same.
“‘I wish god would come back and destroy the planet’ -my mom upon finding out about gwenyth paltrow’s vagina candle,” Twitter user @4llie_s wrote.
https://twitter.com/4llie_s/status/1215855895122530304
Him: what kind of candle holder should I put the Gwyneth Paltrow vagina candle on?
— Auntie Social (parody) (@TraciGrrl) January 11, 2020
Me: Iron, Man. pic.twitter.com/hUDbWBp9co
https://twitter.com/parlettscarrish/status/1216111837676216320
See usually I light candles to get rid of the smell of Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina. https://t.co/VkltRdjgR5
— Little Orphan Funkhouser (@doctor_sucio) January 11, 2020
Really thought a man would crack this level of flexibility first, but if you’re tellin’ me she’s bendy enough to smell her own vagina hell yeah girl make a candle to celebrate https://t.co/J08WWrJKqT
— T.J. Chambers (@tjchambersLA) January 11, 2020
https://twitter.com/baseball_is_sex/status/1216059782852960257
There have also been a number of questions pertaining to what exactly this so-called vagina candle actually smells like.
“As an expert in vaginal health I am not sure I would [associate this candle’s] scents with a normal vagina,” famous gynecologist Jennifer Gunther tweeted.
Gwyneth Paltrow and goop say her vagina smells like "geranium, citrusy bergamot, and cedar absolutes juxtaposed with Damask rose and ambrette seed that puts us in mind of fantasy, seduction, and a sophisticated warmth." Anyone want to send me one?
— Jennifer Gunter (@DrJenGunter) January 11, 2020
Also, as an expert in vaginal health I am not sure I would associated all those scents with a normal vagina. But hey, send me a candle.
— Jennifer Gunter (@DrJenGunter) January 11, 2020
I’ve got to be honest. I am thinking about the vagina candle a lot.
— Liddle’ Savage (@littledeekay) January 11, 2020
What kind of vagina? Straight from the shower? Right after the gym? So many questions…
the thing about the goop candle that annoys me most is that it almost definitely doesn't smell like vaginas
— Florence Schechter (@floschechter) January 11, 2020
not one single vulva smells like fucking geraniums pic.twitter.com/LoZIuS46K6
But it is inspiring other entrepreneurs. If Paltrow can sell vagina candles, the rest of us should be able to sell basically anything.
Should I sale a turd smelling candle and put Gwyneth Paltrow's vagina smelling candle out of business?
— Catturd ™ (@catturd2) January 11, 2020
This Paltrow vagina candle is probably going to inspire crazy hippy ladies to create vagina candles of their own and everyone’s house is going to smell like tuna
— Aunt Cunt (@AuntCunt) January 11, 2020
1975: A pet rock? Fucking really? People will buy anything
— Michelle says "Dance like your knees don't hurt" (@RageMichelle) January 11, 2020
2020: Hahahaha Wait until you hear about the vagina scented candles that cost 75.00
And the candle is already sold out because we live in a hellscape of our own making.
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