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Giant pandas shatter world record for panda sex

Panda love

Chi King/Flickr (CC BY 2.0) | Remix by Jason Reed

I’m about to ask my wife if we can do it panda-style.

Roughly 75 percent of your average Chinese zookeeper’s job is to coerce giant pandas into copulating. For whatever reason, though—unrealistic standards for panda beauty, or maybe persistent headaches—they usually aren’t into it. (Actually, it’s more that a female panda has a single estrous cycle each year, lasting only two-to-seven days. Breeders trying to save the species have often relied on artificial insemination.)

But what an exception we have in Lu Lu and Zhen Zhen, who reportedly shattered the record for panda sex duration with a performance that lasted seven minutes and 45 seconds. According to the People Daily, Lu Lu’s prowess has earned him a nickname: “The Enduring Brother.” It’s really just a matter of time till someone ropes him into the panda porn game.

The People Daily

The People Daily

The People Daily

The People Daily

The People Daily

The People Daily

Whatever their secret is, they may want to share it with the rest of us mammals. Not only did they embarrass cohorts Yi Bao and Jin Xin, who screwed for a paltry one minute and 20 seconds, but they lasted slightly longer than the average human couple from New Mexico, which in a 2014 state-by-state study topped the charts at seven minutes and one second.

Maybe we’ll get an adorable panda cub out of the deal, but either way: nice.

Photo via Chi King/Flickr (CC BY 2.0) | Remix by Jason Reed

Miles Klee

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions,  and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'