Hosts of the Australian TV show, Today, stood stunned as they watched video of a giant Great White shark break through the top of the ocean, devouring an unsuspecting… We don’t know what that was, but it was at least human-sized, which is enough to make us quiver at our desks.
[Placeholder for https://www.facebook.com/IwakeupwithTODAY/posts/1066404390060892/ embed.]
However, it’s easy to forget that humans are land animals and are completely safe from sharks, giant sharks, and their sharp-tooth, finned brethren, so long as they keep out of the water.
But in Australia, it’s the land monsters the TV anchors should worry about.
We cannot forget these insanely large, frightening Australian animals that literally want to eat you. In fact, they are in a meeting right now discussing it. The Daily Dot recovered a transcript from their most recent gathering and published an excerpt below.
Giant Dracula-Looking Bat: We’ve assembled this gatherin’ of the Angry Aussie Animal Coalition to collude and conspire against one [name redacted, but it is definitely you]. Do we wish to proceed with finding and eating [you, reader]?
Feliks Garcia was a reporter and essayist whose work for the Daily Dot focused on social justice issues, internet culture, and the Rock. He was a staff writer for the Independent when he passed away in February 2017 after suffering a heart attack. He was 33.