The Internet’s postmortem on Germany-Brazil

A humbling 90 minutes for the world's proudest soccer nation is finally over.

 

Ramon Ramirez

Internet Culture

Published Jul 8, 2014   Updated May 31, 2021, 12:05 am CDT

Rapper Freddie Gibbs would call Germany’s 7-1 World Cup semifinal deconstruction of Brazil a “good old-fashioned Joe Jackson ass-whoppin’.” The host nation fell Tuesday to a film credits-esque scroll of merciless German goals in historic fashion—nearly tying the 7-0 result Poland put on Haiti in 1974 while suffering its first defeat on home soil since 1975, and its worst defeat since 1920.

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Brazil was out-classed, out-hustled, and its backline was left spinning and staring at one another in disbelief as Germany’s veterans punched a series of rec league blowout grounders through a creaky Julio Cesar.

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Germany will play the winner of Netherlands and Argentina in Sunday’s World Cup final at 3:00 p.m. Eastern.

Let’s go to a stream-of-consciousness roll of Twitter zingers, facts, on what was a field day for the medium.

“Stop! Stop he’s already dead!” #WorldCup2014 #BrazilvsGermany pic.twitter.com/C0kG0pLPRb

— SimpsonsQOTD (@SimpsonsQOTD) July 8, 2014

Looks like we’ll still be the only ones with 6 World Fútbol Championships

— Troy Polamalu (@tpolamalu) July 8, 2014

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After the sixth goal from #GER , #BRA have finally tried to rage quit. pic.twitter.com/dHrpvUnDwZ

— Football Related (@FootbaIlRelated) July 8, 2014

6-0. 1950 had the Marcanazo; 2014 has the #Neymargeddon.

— Musa Okwonga (@Okwonga) July 8, 2014

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GO FOR TWO GERMANY

— Bill Barnwell (@billbarnwell) July 8, 2014

If Brazil comes back from being down 5-0 to Germany, I will get a Brazilian wax.

— Joe Warminsky (@jwarminsky) July 8, 2014

#BrazilvsGermany is all fun and games until you remember that this World Cup cost $11 billion http://t.co/naljDrhHns

— The Daily Beast (@thedailybeast) July 8, 2014

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@toksyk27: *DEAD* “@djcomplexonline: Pele be like…… pic.twitter.com/v1NkvzW7XU“” lol mean mean people #BRA #GER

— Rosebell Kagumire (@RosebellK) July 8, 2014

I can still win my fantasy matchup if Fred scores 1.5 goals and runs for at least THREE kilometers.

— Drew Magary (@drewmagary) July 8, 2014

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If only the Germans had a word for taking pleasure in the misfortunes of others.

— delrayser (@delrayser) July 8, 2014

At least #Bra are making a dignified effort to score here. Just can’t score.

— Anthony Lopopolo (@sportscaddy) July 8, 2014

BREAKING NEWS: At halftime, Germany has a lead *this* big. #WorldCup #GERvsBRA pic.twitter.com/G6Fm7sbAWS

— not that mike (@mikeishappy) July 8, 2014

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“Ooh, the Germans!” pic.twitter.com/lGCVfFpJjZ

— Eric Gómez (@EricGomezFOX) July 8, 2014

#BRA brought Ramires on? Somebody getting hurt on that field TODAY.

— Mobbdeen (@Deen8) July 8, 2014

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The broadcast goes to Bob Ley’s Panic Room, but all you can hear is Michael Ballack pounding on the door and making guttural noises.

— Alex Keckeisen (@Alex_Keck) July 8, 2014

Heads up: ‘that’ photo going around is from the 2013 protests: http://t.co/ZFLllTiBB7 pic.twitter.com/GImPW9HMrW

— Maxi Rodriguez (@FutbolIntellect) July 8, 2014

Was it?! pic.twitter.com/XDp6wudq9n

— Isaac (@WorldofIsaac) July 8, 2014

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Screengrab via ESPN

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*First Published: Jul 8, 2014, 5:59 pm CDT