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The beauty and power of a figure skater is an amazing sight to behold. That’s even truer when you’re talking about the best athletes in the world performing at the Olympic games. There’s only one thing that could make it better, and comedian Jamie Loftus figured what that was: their routines set to bad audiobooks.
Sure, Adam Rippon is an amazing skater, but his routine really comes alive when he performs it to Suze Orman reading from her self-help book Financial Freedom.
adam rippon skated beautifully to ‘financial freedom’ by suze orman last weekend pic.twitter.com/HcCKEt3veb— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) February 13, 2018
We all marveled when we saw Mirai Nagasu land a historic triple axel at this year’s games, but wouldn’t it have been even more impressive if she had landed it during a dramatic reading of Success for Dummies?
mirai nagasu lands the triple axel with risky music choice, the audiobook for ‘success for dummies’ pic.twitter.com/vZkhup8lWO— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) February 13, 2018
But Loftus didn’t stop at books.
What about Russian skater Evgenia Medvedeva performing to Alan Arkin’s 2007 Oscar acceptance speech for Little Miss Sunshine? A feat well worth the silver medal she won.
evgenia medvedeva inspired the world with her daring music choice, "alan arkin's oscar acceptance speech for 'little miss sunshine' in 2007" pic.twitter.com/gRPdVFonfR— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) February 13, 2018
And how about Maia and Alex Shibutani ice dancing to an audio clip of British journalist David Frost interviewing a disgraced Richard Nixon in 1977?
the shibutani sibllings take a chance, skating to a salsa remix of the frost nixon tapes pic.twitter.com/L1162nSaX1— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) February 13, 2018
Finally, it was no surprise that Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir took home the gold after skating to the opening of the Fatty Arbuckle episode of Mysteries & Scandals.
judges were baffled when tessa virtue and scott moir chose to skate to the mysteries and scandals episode about fatty arbuckle, but the results are undeniable pic.twitter.com/gg6KapYO4x— jamie loftus (@hamburgerphone) February 13, 2018
This kind of bizarre tomfoolery is common for Loftus, who once recorded a video where she pretended to receive a call from a panicked Haley Joel Osment who was being held hostage by his sex-crazed manager (a video that is probably NSFW).
Who knows how Loftus comes up with stuff, or why she choices to share it with us. Let’s just all count ourselves blessed and hope she keeps it coming.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.