It should strike you as fake the second you read it: “Woman requires surgery after fidget spinner becomes lodged in her vagina.”
Maybe, just maybe, someone would put a fidget spinner in their vagina (we all get drunk and curious from time to time) but even if they did, it probably wouldn’t get stuck, and if it did get stuck, you wouldn’t need surgery to get it out, and if you did need surgery to get it out, what asshole is posting that information on social media so that it can get picked up by the press? The family? The doctor? The disgruntled nurse who had to pull it out? The kid brother who doesn’t understand why he can’t have his beloved fidget spinner back?
No, my friends, this story is fake as fake can be, as reported by the good people at Snopes, always the first place to turn when the latest trend gets stuck in someone’s orifice. It’s too bad the Internet wasn’t around in the 1940s. The articles about people having Slinkys pulled out of their butts would have been hilarious.
Usually, this fidget spinner/vagina story is described as taking place in Edmonton, Canada, but occasionally it’s Tulsa, Oklahoma. Perhaps the tie-in being places that are boring enough that someone might try something like this. Regardless of the location, the details are always nearly identical.
A 24-year old woman from Edmonton in Canada’s Alberta Province has been rushed to hospital after a fidget spinner became stuck inside her vagina. Surgeons were forced to operate on the woman to remove the device, which had become stuck after she used it in an attempt to ‘pleasure herself’.
“We are confident the woman will make a full recovery, but for the moment she does face a fairly long recovery due to the internal damage the device made,” said one of the doctors who operated on the woman.
Likewise, a man did not get a fidget spinner stuck in his anus, nor did one put out the eye of a school teacher, and for christ sakes, nobody attached razor blades to one and used it to chop off their penis.
A girl in Texas did manage to break off a piece of her fidget spinner and choke on it, but she’s fine now. Texas Children’s Hospital confirmed the story and even said this picture of the girl’s x-ray was authentic.
And, despite what Snopes might say, fidget spinners are clearly affecting the gravitational force of the earth, and if kids keep spinning them we’re all going to crash into the sun. Just check out this quote from a real science man.
Gravitational pull is an invisible force that causes massive objects to pull other objects towards them. For example, when a person jumps up in the air, it is the earth’s gravitational pull that causes them to return to the ground. In the case of fidget spinners, if enough of them are rotating in unison, they have the potential to create enough gravitational pull to effect the orbit of the planet.
Scary stuff. Kidding.
But maybe that’s why, according to the Washington Post, the German government plans to crush around 35 metric tons of the toys. Either that or they don’t want them getting stuck in people’s butts.