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The Sega CD was a cutting-edge video system for its time—the “console wars” era of the early ’90s— but by 1995 it had been entirely abandoned as Sega shifted focus to its disastrous next-gen system, the Saturn. Still, some people fondly remember the Sega CD. And one of them has made a very good Twitter account featuring box art for absurd, made-up Sega CD games. It’s one of the few things on the internet right now with the potential to make you laugh uncontrollably.
Writer Brian Firenzi originally launched @segacdgames in March 2016 with a handful of tweets, but it went on a months-long hiatus until early this year. Now it’s back, and it’s really hitting its stride. The fake games range from unlikely movie adaptations to depressing real-life situations to grim takes on actual games. Also, there’s this, the viral tweet that finally put SegaCDGames on the map:
Dunston Fucks Good pic.twitter.com/bI8kl5fu5J— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) August 12, 2017
Oh no! indeed.
The fans may have come for “Dunston Fucks Good,” but they’re staying for wild stuff like “Doing Donuts on John Madden’s Lawn ’93,” “Ernest Hemingway’s ‘A Farewell to Arms’,” and “Leisure Suit Tilda Swinton.”
Doing Donuts on John Madden’s Lawn ’93 pic.twitter.com/ikSVm8AwPL— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) August 28, 2017
Ernest Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms pic.twitter.com/wIqUrbw39E— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) August 27, 2017
Leisure Suit Tilda Swinton pic.twitter.com/E3UD7UqeZF— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) August 24, 2017
Some of the entries are just on the edge of being something you’d want to play, while others fall into the category of “too real.”
Weekend at Dad’s New Place pic.twitter.com/WRXz6TMV9a— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) August 30, 2017
Atlanta 1996 Olympics: Javelin Only pic.twitter.com/hKR3FrXLgv— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) August 22, 2017
Where Are My Goddamn Keys pic.twitter.com/LbgS47WoTV— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) September 2, 2017
Why in the World Did Carmen Sandiego Drop a Dookie in My Toilet Tank? pic.twitter.com/iU2sTuwGsx— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) September 6, 2017
More recently, Firenzi has started mixing in over-the-top Sega CD fan tweets, giving the account the character of the exact psychotic game fan who would play and collect these psychotic games.
Me when the crew says Dreamcast better than sega cd pic.twitter.com/wlMeBvdJMj— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) September 10, 2017
Say helllo to my dingus . sega Cd https://t.co/R7g8qAcAqq— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) September 12, 2017
[to the tune of "all the small things"]— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) September 9, 2017
Ah, the good old days of gaming, when kids played wholesome titles like “Cool Spot Buries the Bodies.”
Cool Spot Buries the Bodies pic.twitter.com/8bSOMVzFjH— Sega CD Games (@SegaCDgames) August 31, 2017
We can never go back again.
Jay Hathaway is a former senior writer who specialized in internet memes and weird online culture. He previously served as the Daily Dot’s news editor, was a staff writer at Gawker, and edited the classic websites Urlesque and Download Squad. His work has also appeared on nymag.com, suicidegirls.com, and the Morning News.