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This erotic German carp calendar is the worst Christmas gift imaginable

Carp

There’s a reason why that fish looks so happy.

This story contains sexually explicit material and may be NSFW.

Looking for a holiday gift for the recreational fishing enthusiast in your life? Well, look no further than the 2015 “Carponizer erotischer Karpfenkalender,” loosely translated as the Carponizer “Erotic Carp Calendar,” featuring a series of busty naked ladies posing suggestively next to your fave species of oily freshwater fish.

Carponizer

The Erotic Carp Calendar is the brainchild of Carponizer, a German company that sells camping equipment. (And also really ugly stainless steel rings and earrings, which appears to be Carponizer’s bizarre attempt at horizontal integration.)

This year’s calendar features a wide array of nubile female angling enthusiasts. You’ve got blondes. You’ve got brunettes. You’ve got blondes cupping the boobs of brunettes. The one thing that unites them all? A love for the small things in life, like going fishing on a sunny day with friends, and pressing their erect nipples against carp.

Carponizer

Although one might assume the Erotic Carp Calendar is catering to a pretty small niche of, I don’t know, boobie/angling enthusiasts, there seems to be a pretty large market for this type of product. The British camping gear company Total Fishing Gear, for instance, has also released a cheesecake fishing calendar featuring busty ladies posing suggestively with carp, and there’s also a “Beauty and the Bass” calendar that boasts “bass, boats, and babes.”

We don’t know whether Carponizer’s calendar is trying to cater to a little-known carp paraphilia, or if it’s intended as a bro-y nod to the (inaccurate) parallels drawn between fish and vaginal odor. But either way, we know what we’re getting our Daily Dot colleague Kevin Collier for Christmas this year.

Kevin Collier

H/T Reddit | Photo via Carponizer/Facebook

EJ Dickson

EJ Dickson

EJ Dickson is a writer and editor who primarily covers sex, dating, and relationships, with a special focus on the intersection of intimacy and technology. She served as the Daily Dot’s IRL editor from January 2014 to July 2015. Her work has since appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Mic, Bustle, Romper, and Men’s Health.