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Going to see The Incredibles 2? You’re probably well aware that the PG-rated animated feature from Pixar is a family movie, or at least it’s meant to be. It’s the long-awaited sequel to a film that came out 14 years ago to a rash of praise from moviegoers and fans alike, and it’s considered one of the best Pixar movies.
You may also be aware that people are incredibly horny for the heroine of The Incredibles 2, Elastigirl. Especially New Yorker film critic Anthony Lane.
Holy crap, WHAT is with The New Yorker's review of The Incredibles 2? Gross. pic.twitter.com/2PCVW4BQga— Amanda Wong (@amandawtwong) June 19, 2018
Lane’s review has been the subject of ire and ridicule since it went live. It’s a treasure trove of awkward statements and cringe-inducing desires. It even implies in one oft-quoted section that some men are attending showings of the flick, seeing Elastigirl, and…getting erections…? Here’s one of the juiciest tidbits that’s been making the rounds:
Take your seat at any early-evening screening of “Incredibles 2” in the coming days, listen carefully, and you may just hear a shifty sound, as of parents squirming awkwardly beside their enraptured offspring. And why, kids? Because Mommy just leaned over to Daddy and whispered, “Is it just me, or does Mrs. Incredible kind of look like Anastasia in ‘Fifty Shades of Grey?’ You know, the girl in the Red Room, with the whips and all?” And Daddy just rested his cooling soda firmly in his lap and, like Mr. Incredible, tried very hard to think of algebra. As for how Daddy will react later on, during the scene in which Helen and the husky-voiced Evelyn unwind and simply talk, woman to woman, I hate to think, but watch out for flying popcorn.
Does Anthony Lane on The Incredibles contain the single grossest paragraph in film criticism? It's a high bar!— Miriam Bale (@mimbale) June 20, 2018
Bizarrely, the review is littered with references to sexual innuendo, which is strange given that it’s a professional film review written about a children’s movie. It appears Lane believes that parents around the world in movie theaters will be dealing with uncomfortable sexual tension every time Elastigirl is on-screen, which is just, well…a bit strange.
The Incredibles 2 fans have dragged him relentlessly for the review, and they’re still out for blood.
Me after reading that cursed Incredibles 2 review pic.twitter.com/ouyfAO2ZPT— Unpaid Emotional Labourer (@rllyrllygross) June 21, 2018
Uh, yeah. Same.
The best part from the New Yorker's Incredibles 2 review is the implication that men are getting such sudden and violent boners that their cocks are propelling buckets of popcorn from their laps into the air.— FormerGregSamsa (@MJaMitchell) June 19, 2018
this new yorker Incredibles 2 review is nuts pic.twitter.com/40oCkUUILW— James Grebey (@jgrebes) June 19, 2018
This weird ass New Yorker review of The Incredibles 2 sounds like the dreamlight musings of a turn of the century pervert high on opium in his pleasure den.— Ben Moy (@neumunki) June 20, 2018
Can’t believe I used up one of my free New Yorker articles on that Incredibles 2 review— kristine (@_bobbymilk) June 20, 2018
I'm here to kinkshame exactly two people: James Joyce and the guy that wrote the incredibly horny Incredibles 2 review for the New Yorker— Annie Craton (@anniezard) June 20, 2018
The review goes on to discuss Elastigirl’s suit being “as tight as a second skin” and extols her “waspish of waist” figure. He also seemed disappointed that Mr. and Mrs. Incredible fight crime in the children’s movie instead of retreating to have sex. In a kids’ movie. Rated PG. From Disney and Pixar, no less.
“I’m disappointed to report that the action in question is merely the manic pursuit of a gigantic drill that is whirring through a crowded city and demolishing everything in its path, rather than a lazy afternoon in the marital boudoir with the door discreetly shut,” he writes.
Uh, you do you, Anthony Lane.
To be fair, Lane isn’t the only one who appears to be lusting after the flick’s female protagonist, though. Everyone is thoroughly entranced with Elastigirl to some degree, it seems. Internet denizens have proclaimed the supermom “thicc” in her crime-fighting outfit, with her tiny waist and an unusually large derrière. And that’s fine, at least it’s outside the context of writing a review of a kids’ movie, right?
elastigirl has the ability to stretch her body in anyway..... that means she CHOOSING to be double cheeked up with a snatched waist.... thicc queen pic.twitter.com/gzMANHffLI— kal Ⓥ (@kallidoyle) June 16, 2018
Yeah incredibles 2 was good and all but during the entire movie all I could focus on was how THICC ELASTIGIRL STILL IS pic.twitter.com/dHGc0RiQvS— jen :,( (@JentheCatt) June 15, 2018
It looks like everyone wants a piece of this new animated sex symbol.
ayo, elastigirl can swing her fine ass my way any day. shawty thicc asf.— CHIKA (@oranicuhh) June 15, 2018
do you think elastigirl uses her powers to make herself thicc pic.twitter.com/LyMPB07r5h— Ashlyne (@joyfila) June 14, 2018
I forgot how slim thicc Elastigirl is.— KIRA (@kirakosarin) June 16, 2018
You gotta admit she’d do NUMBERS on Instagram
People are also seriously impressed by the fact that, since Elastigirl can shape her body into any form she desired, she’s making the conscious choice every day to walk around with a voluptuous figure. Hey, who wouldn’t?
Elastigirl can make her body stretch bend and morph into any shape imaginable.— JR (@TheGnarlyGoat) June 15, 2018
Which means everyday she wakes up and DECIDES to be thicc as fuck.
Elastigirl is a Thicc Queen.— Nɪk Sᴀʟ (@nicksaladbar) June 17, 2018
CHANGE MY MIND pic.twitter.com/GQF9TQlT2b
if u haven’t seen incredibles 2— P E T (@petriciahall) June 16, 2018
you’re out of luck
because the new & improved elastigirl
is still thicc as ____ pic.twitter.com/VwxFJHxQvb
Show us the lie, though.
Pixar made Elastigirl from The Incredibles thicc, they knew what they were doing— ..... (@Anti) June 17, 2018
The Incredibles 2 is in theaters now, so you can check out all the “thiccness” for yourself. We’re asking you nicely, though: Try not to be weird about it.
Brittany Vincent has covered gaming, anime, tech, and entertainment for over a decade. When she’s not writing, she’s replaying Um Jammer Lammy or Day of the Tentacle for the hundredth time while pining for a Harvester sequel. Find her on Twitter @MolotovCupcake.