woman uterus illustration

aslysun/Shutterstock

Writer Twitter melts down over Reddit guy who depicted uterus inflating like water balloon

That's not how any of this works.

Sep 4, 2020, 6:40 pm*

Internet Culture

 

Siobhan Ball

That some male authors have trouble understanding cis women’s anatomy is well documented on the internet. But today we have a new contender for the worst anatomy failure yet—an author who seems to think the uterus literally fills up with semen like some sort of horny water balloon.

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"Welp.  @riverandmal  found the worst “man writes woman excerpt” ever." screenshot of the bad writing 'Hey baby I'm ovulating right now, I felt the tingle of my egg coming out' But the most obvious change to Felicia's body from the woman who had let me join her in the shower was a full inch of waistline added from a burgeoning uterus filled with my bountiful overnight deposits.  Imagining those seeds making way into her Fallopian tubes, seeking that most precious treasure of eggs and bringing them to life within her flooded womb, I felt myself stiffen once more.'
@Immortal_Gravesfull
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The viral excerpt reads:

"Hey, baby. It's happening. I'm ovulating right now. I felt the tingling of my egg coming out."

But the most obvious change to Felicia's body from the woman who had let me join her in the shower was a full inch of waistline added from a burgeoning uterus filled with my bountiful overnight deposits. Imagining those seeds making way into her Fallopian tubes, seeking that most precious treasure of eggs and bringing them to life within her flooded womb, I felt myself stiffen once more.

In the spirit of "I had to see it and now so do you," Twitter user @Immortal_Graves decided to share the horrifying excerpt after a friend of hers found and then felt the need to show it to her. After reading the paragraph, which seems to indicate a mistaken belief that you can literally fill up a uterus with semen and that this is how conception works, people were struggling to cope with that they'd just seen.

a picture of a corgi looking alarmed by a falling sheep toy with the caption  'me an innocent woman who was enjoying my day' over the corgi and 'this content' over the sheep
@sleepyraposa
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i read this and now i long to die
@sleepyraposa
Two pictures of a fluffy orange cat, the first has "could you please excuse me?" written on it and the second features it screaming at the sky
@AuthorNikSky
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Some were fixated on his incredibly poor understanding of anatomy, particularly his apparent belief that you can fill up a uterus with semen. (Not at all how it works, in case anyone else didn't know that.)

"*rubs temples* I'm sorry, I may have misunderstood but is he saying she gained an inch around her waist overnight just from the sheer volume of cum he fired into her, is that right, did someone actually have that thought and write it down where other people can read it" picture of a terrier looking disgusted
@_oliviahannah_
@_oliviahannah_
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Can we run the math on this? Were adding roughly 5 cubic inches for adding a single inch to her circumference.  This means a volume of 13.5 ounces. Or roughly 30 full ejactulations. All last night.
@BeachHeart

There's also the fact that for those people unlucky enough to be able to feel it when they ovulate the experience is painful and unpleasant, not "tingly."

Women who are unlucky enough to feel ourselves ovulate know it's not a tingle. More like getting stabbed as the egg Alien's itself out of the ovule. Get the poor woman a hot pad instead of bothering her with your horny fantasies!
@BeachHeart
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@JRMcGinnity "I can feel my egg in my Fallopian tube. It is a medical condition, but not an emergency. The rest of this passage is horrific, though."  @KCMurdarasi "Yeah, but it's more of a stabbing pain, right? Not a 'tingle'."  @JRMcGinnity  "Yeah, that or a cramping feeling."
@JRMcGinnity @KCMurdarasi

Some writers found a bright side, however. After reading this, none of them were suffering from imposter syndrome anymore.

I'm a writer by trade. Every day I suffer from imposter syndrome.  Ya know what? I'm not a bad writer. Yiiiiikes to this (definitely white) man.
@JRMcGinnity @KCMurdarasi
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I've just started writing a fantasy book. It might not be great but I just wanted to write something, just so I can say I've done it. I really doubt my ability to write, but after seeing this I'm in serious trouble of suffering from over confidence.
@NickGill2017

And one Twitter user was incapable of more than a sigh and rolling her eyes. 2020 has been a lot.

All I did was sigh a little and roll my eyes  2020 has left me with so little emotional bandwidth, I can't even be truly disgusted at this
@NickGill2017
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The work in question appears to have come from a breeding fetish sub on Reddit, making some of the anatomical weirdness at least explicable if not entirely forgivable. However, the unknown writer's shakey and at times downright horrifying take on reproductive anatomy goes well beyond the normal reality-warping found in fetish erotica. While the original piece has been taken down from Reddit you can still read the whole thing, complete with prehensile cervixes and impossible amounts of bodily fluids, via the Wayback Machine. If you feel like doing that to yourself that is.


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*First Published: Sep 4, 2020, 6:39 pm