- Apple warns coronavirus expected to cause iPhone ‘supply shortages’ Monday 7:59 PM
- Will ‘The Bachelor’ end without an engagement? Monday 7:44 PM
- This ‘Little Women’ scene just became a meme Monday 7:03 PM
- Playable version of Blizzard’s ‘StarCraft: Ghost’ leaks online nearly 15 years after cancelation Monday 6:31 PM
- This Twitter extension can block unsolicited nudes from your inbox Monday 6:01 PM
- Jeffree Star wears cornrows after being accused of cultural appropriation Monday 4:49 PM
- Jeff Bezos says he’ll commit $10 billion to combat climate change Monday 4:18 PM
- A TikTok user went on a mission to turn his urine blue by chugging food coloring Monday 3:55 PM
- YouTuber’s vacation in ‘Bali’ was actually staged at Ikea Monday 3:14 PM
- Video shows liquor store manager calling employee ‘f*cking worthless’ Monday 1:16 PM
- Instagram influencer scams followers out of $1.5 million Monday 12:22 PM
- Why did the Israeli military tweet this thirst trap? Monday 10:43 AM
- Jake Paul wants you to have financial freedom… by paying him a monthly fee Monday 10:40 AM
- Tweets from Sanders supporters are terrifying the establishment Monday 10:15 AM
- Zuckerberg says he supports 1 bill in Congress that would regulate Facebook Monday 10:11 AM
Desperately thirsty dudes trolled into sexting weird food selfies
This article contains explicit content and is NSFW.
Right off the bat, we should clarify that combining sex and food totally works for certain people. Drizzling chocolate syrup or olive oil in the bedroom is an established erotic pastime; feeding your lover strawberries or mango is never a bad idea, assuming allergies aren’t a factor.
That said, if the stranger you’re sexting refuses to show themselves until you send a photo of yourself covered in ham, take a step back and evaluate your own proclivities. Indeed, ask yourself what you actually want out of life. Otherwise, as a young man now infamous on the r/cringepics subreddit discovered, you’ll discover that trolling takes a heavy toll on the desperate.
The only thing sadder than that string cheese resting on his thighs is the certainty that he ate it right after taking the photo.
But wait, there’s more! Brace yourself: These thirsty dudes will go to astounding lengths to satisfy any anonymous, maybe-female person they digitally encounter. From mustard to (alleged) shit, they’ll smear whatever you ask on their faces—and expect a sizable reward for it.
Truly, sexting has peaked with “egg butt.” Everyone else can stop trying.
Photo via 16:9clue/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)
Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions, and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'