‘Humans of New York’ couple story spawns cocaine conspiracy theory

Everyone loves a good love-at-first-sight story. So when Humans of New York caught two hot guys out on a date together and posted their photo to Facebook Monday night, the Internet sighed a collective “awwww.”

Then the conspiracy theories began.

According to the interview caption on the HONY photo, the cute new couple met at a club on Fire Island because one of the guys had bought “three bags of cookie dough.” That’s right, he stopped on his way to the club on a gay resort island to buy three bags of cookie dough (who knew it came in bags now?) and brought those dough bags to the nightclub, where he “just started dancing by myself and eating the cookie dough.” 

Totally normal.

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Most Facebook commenters thought the cookie dough story was adorable. But sassy, shade-slinging blog So Let’s Talk About had a few things to say in response to the love-at-first-bite story of clubbing with unbaked cookies.

According to hilarious blogger Rafi D’Angelo‘s detailed conspiracy theory, a HONY intern from Oklahoma changed the original, true story of the gay couple’s first meeting to make it way more wholesome than it actually was. 

Here’s the So Let’s Talk About version of events:

“It’s our first actual date with actual words.  The first doesn’t count because we only swapped blowjobs that we barely remember in the Meat Rack out on Fire Island.  I wasn’t even planning on going out that night.  I’d already drank half a bottle of Johnny Black so I was just going to stay in and vaguely glance at my Chelsea Handler book while waiting on a Scruff notification from someone I’d actually let come over and plow me, but my friends promised me coke if I went out with them, and not the regular kind.  Good stuff.  Like Wall Street coke.  They text me the guy’s address to go pick it up and they’d pay me back when I got to the club, so I picked up three bags.  When I finally got to the club, all my friends were making out with somebody, so I was like ‘I have all this coke to myself and I’m already drunk’ so I started dancing by myself and doing keybumps in the corner.  Then I saw him by the DJ booth and we made eye contact so I went over to see if he was into blow too.  We never actually spoke.  A few bumps turned into blowjobs and then a few months later I saw him on Grindr here in the city and he was 250 ft away.”

The Daily Dot reached out to one of the cute guys in the HONY photo to ask whether “cookie dough” was indeed a euphemism for bags and bags and bags of powdery, numbing, snow-white cocaine. 

“It was just cookie dough,” he responded in a Facebook message, even offering the names of his friends who baked the dough into actual cookies later that night. Guess romance isn’t dead after all. 

 Update 6:47pm CT, Dec. 23: The man in the HONY photo who replied to request for comment has asked that his name be removed from this post.

Photo via Bianca Moraes/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)

Mary Emily O'Hara

Mary Emily O'Hara

Mary Emily O'Hara is an LGBTQ reporter. Her work has appeared in Rolling Stone, NBC Out, Daily Dot, Broadly, Vice, the Daily Beast, the Advocate, Huffington Post, DNAinfo, Al Jazeera, and Portland's Pulitzer Prize-winning newsweekly Willamette Week, among other outlets.