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Say what you really want out of dating this year

Tired of not getting what you want out of dating? This is the year to say what you really want (and make it happen).


Beth Cook

Internet Culture

Posted on Jan 11, 2013   Updated on Jun 2, 2021, 3:50 am CDT

Beth Cook is a dating coach and throws private dating events for San Francisco’s most awesome and unattached. She also writes and draws about her own dating experiences. Want advice? Have advice? Send her an email.

Time to get honest with yourself about your dating wants.

It’s hard to say out loud what we really want. Maybe it’s because when we were kids and asked for things—like the kid-sized car from FAO Schwartz, or a third cookie—the response we got from tired adults was, “People don’t get everything they want in life.”

In response, some people water down their wants: “It would be cool to have a girlfriend, but I’m okay being single…I’ve been on my own for a while.”

Some dramatize their wants to make light of them: “Is it too much to ask for a guy who showers and is employed part-time?”

And others let their wants drift away, living undetected in their brains and souls, save the nights they are summoned by whiskey.

How does it feel to ignore, water down or make light of your wants? It’s pretty shitty, right?

Make this the year you get what you want.

What DO you want?

Say it out loud. Again and again.

Scream it from the mountaintops (or the roof of your apartment building): “I WANT TO KISS SOMEONE!” “I WANT A GIRLFRIEND!” Tell all of your friends, family and co-workers that this is the year you’re going to fall in love, this is the year you’re going to meet a beauty online, this is the year you’re going to start believing in your dreams. Believing that they are possible. Believing that you deserve them.

Are you with me so far? Ok, now it’s time to go and get what you want.

No more staring at online profiles thinking, “Oh, she’d never want to date me.” Go ahead and message her. No more complaining that only lame guys write you on OkCupid. Find awesome ones, and email them. (If they’re not on OkCupid, go elsewhere. There are loads of other dating sites.)

Mine your Facebook friend network for singles. Ask your friends to host parties. There is always something you can do to set things in motion. And there’s always something you can be—honest with yourself.

You’re the only person who can fulfill your dreams. Now get to it!

Photo by mikemol

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*First Published: Jan 11, 2013, 3:04 pm CST