Choose Your Own Adventure phone sex is like a lusty Mad Libs

"Give your lover some aural pleasure today," the site recommends.


Fidel Martinez

Internet Culture

Published Jul 2, 2013   Updated Jun 1, 2021, 12:16 pm CDT

Are you looking to spice up your relationship? Did you grow up playing choose your own adventure games, or are a fan of phone sex? Dejamor—a New York-based company that specializes in improving the romantic lives of their clients—has launched “Sexy Tales,” a free product that combines all of the above.

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“Give your lover some aural pleasure today,” the site recommends.

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To use “Sexy Tales,”  call the service up, just like you would any other phone sex line. After you enter your partner’s phone number, the service will ask you to record various sexually suggestive messages, each detailing a specific action your partner can choose using the keypad.

Dejamor has also crafted two gender-specific scripts for users to follow. Unsurprisingly, these are unintentionally hilarious.

“Hey gorgeous. Guess who this is? I am going to do my best to arouse you. That shouldn’t be too hard,” begins the male version.  “Picture this: Me, taking my clothes off, piece by piece. Press 1 if you want me to strip you and kiss your body, press 2 if you want me to rub your body with scented oils.”

A couple of messages later, things become NSFW very quickly.

The female script is (barely) more subtle.

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Mmm, I love the taste of your salty skin. I never knew the taste of you would be so sexy. Your manly scent really turns me on. It’s making me so hot. I just love licking your neck, and if you don’t watch out, my tongue is going to go all the way down to that delicious crotch of yours. Mmm. Press 1 if you want me to kiss you where it counts. Press 2 if you want me to touch myself.

If these provocative phrases aren’t up to your standards, there’s also a how-to diagram that walks you through the process of verbally stimulating your partner. Think of it as Mad Libs, but lustful and with more genitalia.

Once you’re done with your raunchy recording, Dejamor instructs you to email your partner with the number. Only the person whose number you gave in the beginning can access your  adventure, so there’s no risk of anyone else hearing you embarrass yourself.

Photo by Scurzuzu/Flickr

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*First Published: Jul 2, 2013, 5:11 pm CDT