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- Twitter blasts Benny Johnson over heinous Native American ‘socialist’ reservations take Tuesday 6:16 PM
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- Google to launch ‘Stadia’ cloud gaming service this year Tuesday 3:55 PM
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What’s he trying to say?
Politics are more about choosing sides than taking a stand on the issues. Isn’t it possible to be pro-choice and pro-fracking? Can one take a tough stance on immigration, but also support socialized medicine? And can’t you simultaneously be for the destruction of entire planetary systems, but also think college tuition should be free? The answer is yes, but only if you listen to Slipknot.
Instagrammer Alex Borkowski captured this oddly decorated automobile, leaving us to wonder: Who is this person, and what are they trying to tell us?
This young man, whoever he may be… Wait. That’s an obvious bias. There’s no reason this couldn’t be an elderly Brazilian woman.
OK, whoever this old woman is, she’s not afraid to wear her heart on her sleeve, or car as it may be. It’s possible that she was at a Slipknot show, banging away with her fellow Knot-heads, and between songs someone might say, “Man, I was barely able to afford tickets, what with my student loan debt piling up. How will I ever pay it off when all I can afford is the minimum payment every month?”
“Yes, I understand what you’re saying,” she’d reply. “The rising cost of prescription medication means I very likely won’t be able to take my grandchildren to Disney World this year and young Fernando so wanted to meet Donald Duck.”
It’s a pretty short path to finding and supporting Bernie Sanders from there. After all, Slipknot frontman Corey Taylor officially endorses the Vermont senator.
Now that we know why this woman’s feeling the Bern, it’s time to figure out how she can justify the candidate’s policies with, well, this:
How can this woman support both Bernie Sanders and the Dark Side of the Force? Perhaps she just enjoys mask.
Scary, scary mask.
Or maybe she feels like Kylo Ren should be Bernie’s choice for VP. After all, his youth would help balance out the ticket.
Whatever this woman’s motivations are, she clearly feels strongly enough about them to turn her car into a traveling billboard for what she believes in. What could be more American than that?
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.