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Remember that time you were at Thanksgiving dinner and suggested “Hey gang, how about next year we try and do an all vegan meal?” Your family all dropped their forks and stared at you, and you quickly said, “Never mind, never mind, forget I said anything, this never happened!” Remember?
Well, that’s exactly how AMC feels after they oh-so-briefly mentioned the brilliant idea of allowing texting in their theaters.
AMC’s new CEO, Adam Aron, mentioned the idea in an interview with Variety on Wednesday, and people quickly tore it to shreds.
Now there’s an idea. Surely, though, if texting is on the table, there are a few other improvements certain patrons would like to see. How about:
Already seen the movie and really want to ruin it for everyone else? Why not sit in a section with some like-minded peers and yell to your hearts content?
Half-price tickets for anyone in a stovepipe hat
Post-screening Q&A for people who didn’t read the book (or see the first movie)
Sure, it’ll be pretty embarrassing to stay behind for this, but not nearly as embarrassing as your Tinder match calling you out for not realizing which parts they added into Pride and Prejudice and Zombies for the screen.
You’ve been dating long enough now that things are starting to get a little boring in the ol’ bedroom. How better to spice it then by taking your act on the road?
Instant replay speakers
Instead of leaning over to your friend to whisper “What’d that guy just say?” you can hit a button on your armrest and replay the last few line of dialogue at top volume. Much easier.
Smug-looking wax replicas of M. Night Shyamalan
Even if he didn’t make the terrible garbage film you just suffered through for two and a half hours, it’ll feel great to kick him in the balls on your way out.
If you’re gonna do it anyway, let’s get you all in the same place.
David Britton is a writer and comedian based in Rhinebeck, New York who focuses on internet culture, memes, and viral news stories. He also writes for the Hard Times and is the creator of StoriesAboutWizards.com.