Beth Cook is a dating coach and wing-woman who throws private dating events for San Francisco’s most awesome and unattached. She also writes and draws about her own dating experiences and would love to hear from you. Want advice? Have advice? Send her an email.
There is no question, the Internet has revolutionized sex. And if and when you get tired of (or inspired by) pornhub and go try the real thing, the Internet can still help. I’m not talking about an escort or a dating site. In the age of the Internet, there is no excuse for being bad in bed.
There isn’t a quicker way to turn off a “person of interest” than by sucking in the sack. I shudder when awful sexual experiences pop up to haunt me…teenage jackhammer sex (with a 30 year old), weirdly uncoordinated sex, drunken limp (aka “whisky dick”) sex. Bluuughck.
Sex is a crucial part of the dating process; an important piece in the will-we-work-together puzzle. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: without good sex, you’re just friends.
Fortunately, the Internet is here to help. But you don’t need to go sifting through Google for Internet gold—much less pollute your search history embarrassingly! (You don’t want to risk an untoward autocomplete at work.) So I’ve assembled some of my favorite advice from around the ’net. Fifteen minutes with me, the Internet, and a few friends, and you’ll be a newly minted Don Juan.
Just remember: Practice makes perfect.
1. Timing is key. There are a lot of tools that promise to speed things up, but in all things sexual, you can’t rush it. Whether you started out on eHarmony or Blendr, sex with a new, shiny person will be a lot better once you’ve spent a few hours together, on a few occasions, connecting in other ways.
Guys: Chicks like to be in a comfortable, clean environment when they do it. Make your bed, clean your bathroom, and dim the lights OR just go to her place.
2. Kiss good. Start softly. Use tongue, gently. Increase and decrease passion (strength and speed) over time. Lean into his body. Touch her neck. Here’s what not to do.
3. Foreplay it up! There is nothing worse then trying to have sex when one or both of you are not warmed up. Touch each other—everywhere—with hands and mouths!
Guys: Whatever you think an appropriate amount of foreplay is, double it. And brush up on the art of giving her oral pleasure.
Gals: Foreplay isn’t just for you; give as much as you receive. And take your blow-job to the next level.
4. Try a variety of sex positions. There is no need to be boring. Get into a few different positions and see what he or she likes. Need ideas? Here you go.
5. Orgasm in order. Ladies first!
Guys: If you accidentally beat her to it (and it better be an accident), here are some damage control techniques.
Gals: Tell him what it takes for you to have an orgasm. He’s not a mind reader. And for goodness sakes, don’t just lie there. Passivity is so unattractive.
6. Cuddle. Spoon, put your arm around her, lay your head on his chest, etc. for at least 10 minutes.
Guys & Gals: Stay the night. It just feels better.
***
Ok, there you have it. I guarantee if you follow all of the above advice, no one will be ditching you because you’re a bad lover. You’ll have to figure out what else you might be doing wrong.
Photo by Zawezome