In the past week, two Facebook pages belonging to the genre “Give me a million likes and I’ll [fill in the blank]” made headlines after actually collecting 1 million likes on Facebook: a page called Twogirlsandapuppy, made by children whose father promised to get them a pet; and a photo of Petter Kverneng, who found a girl willing to sleep with him if he collected enough likes.
We’re not sure if the founder of the Facebook page “1 million likes and I will run down the street naked” was inspired by such a news story, but as of press time, his page, founded on Jan. 22, has already collected more than 700 likes in just a few hours.
If it’s going to be newsworthy anytime such a page collects a million likes, then the next such page to make headlines might be “1 million likes and my dad quits drugs. Please help,” which has almost a quarter-million likes so far. The dozens of new posts appearing every day say nothing about drug use or of family dysfunction, just typical celebrity gossip, memes, GIFs, and spam.
Similar, though less-successful (as determined by numbers of likes) variants of that page include “1 million likes and my mom quits drugs. Please help,” “1 million likes to stop my dad in drugs. Please help” and “1 million likes and my dad quits drugs.”
The page “1 million likes and my girlfriend wont get an abortion” was started 19 months ago, on June 26, 2011. No word on whether the girlfriend had the baby, got an abortion, or actually exists.
Another page, “1 million likes and my wife will give birth to a goat” was started in July 2011 as a joking response to an apparently “serious” page “1 million likes and my wife has agreed to call our baby Megatron” (not to be confused with the page “1 million likes and my wife will call our son Megatron”).
Other names parents threaten to inflict on their kids in exchange for 1 million Facebook likes include Dumbledore, Voldemort, Optimus Prime, Spongebob, Pikachu, Obi Wan, Jesus Christ, and Mario Frimpong.
Naturally, these joking (we hope) pages dedicated to ridiculous baby names inspired spoofs like “One million likes and my decepticon has agreed to call our baby Paul” and “1 million Megatrons and my wife has agreed to call our baby Likes.”
In addition to people promising to inflict ridiculous names on children, there’s also people promising to inflict ridiculous things on themselves, including “1 million likes and I’ll tattoo a dick on my forehead.”
But 1 million ilkes isn’t enough for everybody, as evidenced by such pages as “2 million likes and I’ll get a tattoo of Eminem on my back when I’m 18” and “5 million likes and I’ll get a sex change. Yes, I will upload pics.”
But if you’re fed up with the attention-grabbing implied by all these “Give me a million likes and I’ll do stuff” pages, perhaps Facebook communities like “If I get to 1 million likes, nothing will happen” or “1 million likes and I will do nothing” will prove more to your taste.
Photo via: owenwbrown/Flickr