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When it comes to eating pussy, “WAP” rapper Cardi B says it best: “Put this pussy right in your face. Swipe your nose like a credit card.” Sure, you can nosedive into a pussy. But there are literally unlimited ways to go down on a vulva, that are, ahem, a little more subtle.
How to eat pussy like a pro
As a seasoned pussy eating pro, here’s how I like to pleasure a vulva*. It’s not the only way, but it’s my way, and it’s made many people with vulvas very happy.
1) Tease
I’m a big fan of foreplay and a slow tease. I want to take my sweet ‘ole time getting my partner aroused. Think indirect, intentional touches through their clothing or areas surrounding their vulva. My lips graze the nape of their neck, telling them how much I want them, and maybe hint at how I’d like to pleasure them.
Before I even think about eating pussy, I like to massage my partner’s labial folds, running my fingers up and down and between their creases. To make it extra sensual, you can use some almond oil to the mix.
2) Kiss
Next, I take my mouth and gently kiss around their vulva, making occasional contact for a quick second before moving onto their stomach or inner thighs. At this point, I have not directly touched their clitoris with my hands or mouth.
Pay attention to hints, like their moaning, breathing, and what they say. I love drawing out pleasure and anticipation for as long as possible, so I continue at this slow and steady pace unless someone is begging me to fuck them.
3) Lick
Here’s where the real pussy eating fun begins! First, using my tongue, relaxed flat like a paintbrush, I lick from the bottom of the vulva to the top—purposely avoiding the clitoris. Next, I pull my mouth away before my head guides my tongue back down. I do this on repeat for as long as my partner seems into it before moving on to the clitoris.
I start to slowly circle the clit with my index and middle finger. The key word here is “circle.” I do not want to make direct contact quite yet. If you feel confident in multitasking, form a peace sign with your dominant hand, and use those V-formation fingers to massage your partner’s inner and outer labial folds.
This is edging, or the fine art of bringing yourself or your partner to the brink of a hyper-pleasurable Big O, then pulling back on stimulation. Now, do this slowly on repeat, and I promise you will get your partner all worked up.
Keep circling the clit with your tongue—it’s OK to make direct contact now. Pay attention to your rhythm. I’m sure you’ve heard of a pussy eating technique that entails spelling out the alphabet with your tongue. I’m not sure why this technique became the go-to, but vulvas and pleasure are not one size fits all. Skip it.
(If you want to learn specific patterns to pleasure your partner, check out OMGYES.) Use your lips, nose, and chin. Different parts of your face provide different textures and pressures, so experiment and see what feels good. For example, the lips have fewer layers of skin, so they feel super soft. So, imagine what they feel like on clit.
Once you’ve found a steady cadence, doing the same thing at the same speed and pressure, stick with it. If your partner stops responding to this stimulation, you can switch things up for a minute, then return to your previous rhythm. If you’re unsure if something feels good, ask your partner—you may be a rockstar at eating pussy, but you’re still not a mind reader.
I tend to alternate between long, flat licks and stimulating their clit with my lips and tongue and varying degrees of pressure. If my partner is into penetration, I will also slide a finger, toy, or more (depending upon what they want), into their vagina while going down on them.
4) Be patient
Here’s a crucial part: For many people with vulvas, reaching orgasm requires patience. Had I known that most people with vulvas need 20 to 30 minutes of consistent clitoral stimulation to climax, I would’ve avoided a lot of apologies for “taking too long.” PSA: It’s OK to ask for what we want and take as much time as we need. Pleasure isn’t a race—and it doesn’t always mean getting off.
5) Be receptive to feedback
When sex is over, I ask my partner what they liked and didn’t like. Then I file that feedback away in my mental bank for the next time I get to eat their pussy. Since most people with vulvas need both clitoral stimulation and penetration to get off, it’s nice to have as many tools and techniques in my pussy eating repertoire. Response desire—or desire that shows up in response to stimulation—varies greatly with each sexual encounter.
Final words for my fellow vulva owners: Don’t forget to get tested regularly for STIs. The person receiving oral sex can use a dental dam or single-use latex panties as a barrier method. Also, can we please put vagina shame to rest? If anyone complains about your beautiful pussy—the way it looks, smells, tastes, or feels—they need to go, stat. All it does is stand in our way of pleasure. Your pussy deserves to be put on a pedestal, and it’s a privilege for anyone lucky enough to go down on you.
*Friendly reminder that not all people who have vulvas are women, and not all women have vulvas.
If you need additional resources, check out:
Adam and Eve+
If visual learning is more your style, tap into the full-length instructional videos on Adam and Eve+. There are 98 instruction videos total, each running about two hours long, so you can brush up on everything from erotic massage to strap-on sex. We recommend these three learning guides for oral enthusiasts just starting out or wanting to advance their pussy eating skills. The one with Nina Hartley is particularly helpful for people with vulvas wanting to pleasure other vulvas. With close to four decades in the porn industry and appearances in more than 1,000 adult films, Hartley knows a thing or two about eating pussy.
The Better Sex Guide to Great Oral Sex
Nina Hartley’s Guide to Sex for the B-Curious Woman
And more tips and toys to get you started:
Books
Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides
Girl Sex 101 by Allison Moon
She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner
Sex toys
Since some people can’t use their hands during oral comfortably, sex toys can lend an assist and enhance the experience. Here are two that are great for people with grip issues or limited dexterity in their hands:
MysteryVibe POCO ($127)
Dame Pom ($99.99)
Need more eating pussy inspiration? Listen along with Loral’s “Odes to Oral” playlist.