Pop vocalists Zayn Malik and Perrie Edwards confirmed their engagement today to worldwide celebration. Fans of One Direction and Little Mix, the two former X Factor bands that brought the couple together, are celebrating on Twitter, with #CongratsZaynandPerrie trending for hours.
And many are already exploring the duo’s future as parents, in the wide world of “Zerrie” (as the couple is known) baby fanfic.
Given the widespread—and often wrong—perception of One Direction fans as histrionic, one would think there’d be far more hysteria on Tumblr about the news. But surprisingly, with a few exceptions, all is calm on the Directioners front.
Well, maybe not as calm in the tinhatter corner.
On the one hand, you have the Ziam shippers—fans of the relationship between Malik and his fellow 1D star Liam Payne. Plenty of Ziam conspirators believe that Zerrie is all a fraud.
Meanwhile, the most zealotous Larry Stylinson shippers have cornered the market on elaborate takedown theories of Modest, One Direction’s widely reviled “Management.” The current Larry rumor is that Management only “let” Zayn get engaged to cover up the real scandal of Louis and Harry’s great gay love.
But perhaps the most pressing thought on everyone’s minds is what Zerrie’s kids will be like.
Larryssubmissive on Tumblr sums it up neatly:
Zayn is artistic, hot , and has the voice of an angel. Perrie is a Greek goddess, is a cute little frick, and has the voice of of an angel.
What. Are. Their. Kids. Going. To be. Like???
Fortunately, fandom has been pondering this question for a while now, or so the number of “Perrie and Zayn have kids” fanfics floating around the Internet would indicate.
The fics often focus on Perrie’s fear of becoming a young mother, and seem to be a way for teenage girls to explore their own maternal fantasies and fears. But what’s surprising is that while there are plenty of 1D fans who are probably heartbroken at today’s Zerrie news, there are others who will thrive on the announcement.
Why? Because there’s an interesting trend of Mary Sue fanfics where the character representing the author isn’t actually an interloper in the Zerrie relationship.
Instead, Zayn and Perrie adopt her.
Take a look at some examples:
“she didnt notice she bumped into the one and only Perrie Edwards.”
“Riley is a 13 year old girl who spends her life in an all-girl orphanage. After hearing about a meet and great by Little Mix, Riley goes down and meets them. After meeting all the girls and going back home, Riley doesn’t expect to see any of them again. But, Perrie has other ideas.”
Adopted by Zerrie?
“Kat has lived a horrible life… Now she’s 12 and she’s still stuck in Miss Claire’s Home For Abandoned Little Girls, living in fear of the male gender. But what happens if newly wed Zayn Malik and Perrie Edwards adopt her? Will she learn to trust Zayn? And how will she deal with the rest of the boys?”
Zerrie Adopt Me?
“Perrie’s p.o.v:
Me and my fiance where looking for a kid too have as ours. I want someone a little older. Someone who can be themself. “Hello, here’s all of our children,” she said standing in front of the class room. Everyone looked at me shocked, one girl didn’t..she sat in the back corner taping her fingers on the desk.
“What about her,” I whispered to Zayn pointing to her.
“I’m sorry for her, MISSY!” She scowled at her.
“Missy ?” I asked. I walked over to her, she looked like she was in tears.
“What’s your name ?” I asked her quietly.
“Me ?” She asked. “Of course silly,” I giggled.
“Aylaa,” she whispered.
“That’s really pretty,” I smiled.
“So who are you going to adopt,” she said avoiding eye contact.
“You silly,” I smiled.
“I’m 15… why would you want me ?” She asked.
“I’m 23…don’t question it,” I laughed.“
The fics generally proceed along similar lines, with a teen girl being adopted by a Daddy Warbucks-like Zayn and whisked into the glamorous fairytale life of the 1D coterie. Think Princess Diaries but with boy bands instead of royalty.
There are also a surprising number of fics where Perrie has an identical twin, which makes us believe that the 1D life is pretty much a non-stop farce of secret sisters and mistaken identity.
But outside of fiction, it seems that Directioners, for the most part, couldn’t be happier for the couple. Regardless of how many future babies they adopt.
Photo via RositaMTomlinson/Weheartit