It’s morning in America, and it’s time to discuss the two most beautiful words in local politics: “Bigfoot erotica.”
Our story begins in Virginia’s 5th congressional district, a predominantly rural, conservative-leaning district. It’s home to 735,000 people, the University of Virginia, and a Republican candidate who apparently likes to share sexy Bigfoot pics on Instagram.
Until Sunday night, GOP candidate Denver Riggleman was just another obscure local politician running for office. Then his Democratic opponent posted this screencap of Riggleman’s Instagram account, making him go viral in a uniquely embarrassing way. (His account is currently private.)
My opponent Denver Riggleman, running mate of Corey Stewart, was caught on camera campaigning with a white supremacist. Now he has been exposed as a devotee of Bigfoot erotica. This is not what we need on Capitol Hill. pic.twitter.com/0eBvxFd6sG— Leslie Cockburn (@LeslieCockburn) July 29, 2018
Amazingly, this doesn’t seem to be a hoax. Riggleman had already attracted some attention for a now-deleted Facebook page promoting a book called The Mating Habits of Bigfoot and Why Women Want Him, and Cockburn’s tweets just brought it to a wider audience. Sadly, the book in question—if it wound up being published at all—is not available through online retailers like Amazon.
According to Charlottesville, Virginia, newspaper the Daily Progress, Riggleman co-authored another Bigfoot book in 2006, but a source described it as “assuredly not” erotic in nature.
From my opponent Denver Riggleman’s Bigfoot erotica collection. pic.twitter.com/ELe0TWJh21— Leslie Cockburn (@LeslieCockburn) July 29, 2018
Whether or not this qualifies as “erotica” is up for debate, but there’s no denying these pictures include Bigfoot’s schlong. And on the whole, that isn’t the kind of content you expect to see on a potential congressman’s Instagram.
Naturally, the Bigfoot pics were Twitter catnip, testing the waters for whether all publicity really is good publicity. Riggleman, who was previously only known to Virginia voters, is now inextricably linked with horny Bigfoot.
You’ll be happy to hear that self-published erotic ebook star Chuck Tingle has already weighed in, pointing out that “thinking bigfoot is handsome is NORMAL,” which: of course. We agree that there’s nothing wrong with having Bigfoot fantasies, but somehow, we doubt that conservative voters will agree. It’s the kind of attention-grabbing scandal that outweighs Leslie Cockburn’s more relevant accusation: that Riggleman campaigned with a white supremacist.
please understand thinking bigfoot is handsome is NORMAL but being a devil is not. this is slippery slope please judge based on character not on hardness around bigfoot WE ALL GET HARD AROUND BIGFOOT https://t.co/vcQBVvA3VB— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) July 30, 2018
dear @LeslieCockburn please stick to discussing an opponents scoundrel character. there is PLENTY wrong with DENBER WIGGLEMAN, but there is nothing wrong with getting hard for bigfoot or having other preferred pound that may seem unique. please prove love and reconsider this way pic.twitter.com/i8i0hCByZx— Chuck Tingle (@ChuckTingle) July 30, 2018
Given Tingle’s fast turnaround for other shortform erotic ebooks in the past, we won’t be surprised if a Denver Riggleman/Bigfoot story appears in the near future. In the meantime, we’re praying that someone takes Tingle up on his offer to discuss sexy Bigfoot on live TV.