Introducing Overly Attached Pitch Woman

Student. Belieber. Philanthropist. Girlfriend. It’s time to add another notch to Laina Morris’ belt: The Overly Attached Girlfriend is officially a pitch woman.

Morris, whose face has haunted the dreams of a thousand men since she debuted on the Internet this summer, made her first descent into the advertising world Monday morning, appearing for the first time as the pitch woman for Samsung’s SSD (solid-state drive) 840 laptop.

Naturally, her pitch is a bit over the top.

“Hey, it’s me, your computer,” she raps over a quick beat while staring right back at the camera. “You seem so far away. You haven’t used me in forever. Tell me why you gotta stray. I miss your touch on my keyboard, those lovely words you type. Got me stuck here in the friend zone when I’ve loved you all my life. Remember all the things we shared? Illegal downloads, I didn’t care. I kept them safe and here for you, played them when you asked me to.”

That’s when Morris changes her tune and becomes more, well, overly attached.

“I’d hate to see you get all heated if suddenly they got deleted.”

Morris then goes on to list all the terrible things that she (as computer) would do if she’s ignored.

“There’s tons I stop from getting out: passwords, credit cards, bank account. But these days I’m so clumsy, I need your love to calm me.”

Hell hath no fury like a scorned home computer.

Photo via Samsung Memory For All/YouTube