If you’ve ever dreamed of burying yourself in thousands upon thousands of giant dicks—or, at least, thousands of videos of giant dicks—you’re in luck: Falcon Studios, one of the largest and oldest still-operating gay porn companies in the world, is like a smutty Library of Alexandria for sweaty, naked muscle. Since the early 1970s, it’s been pumping out sexy scenes of youthful, athletic men engaging in vigorous liaisons. It’s an absolutely absurd volume of gay porn, rivaled only by the absurdity of the mustaches in its oldest titles.
Falcon’s tremendous back-catalog can be yours for a fee—but is that fee worth it? We broke it down.
Falcon Studios cost
Just like its sister site Hot House, Falcon Studios offers a limited low-cost trial at $2.95 for three days of limited access. But that trial period is deliberately designed to be a tease; you can only see the latest 10 releases and certain site features are limited. (The site doesn’t actually say what those limits are, so it’s up to you to guess!) Watch out for the automatically checked option to add on $4.95 membership to “buddydvdz,” which one can assume gives you access to some old-fashioned rental DVDs.
Sign up for $2.95 and you’ll get the hardest of hard sells to upgrade to a more expensive plan. There are reminders everywhere that you don’t have full access, and it takes just two clicks to convert your account to the month-to-month plan, which costs $29.95 a month. (You’ll also be automatically set to that plan after the three-day trial period ends.)
Thirty bucks a month is a bit steep for porn, but if you’re in it for the long haul, you can make one monthly payment of $59.85 for three months of access, which works out to $19.95 per month. A year-long membership costs $119.40, or $9.95 per month.
Falcon doesn’t appear to accept cryptocurrency, but it does offer the convenient ability to convert gift cards from other retailers into membership. For example, you can use a $25 Starbucks gift card to get 18 days of access; or a $32 gift card from Best Buy for 27 days of porn.
There are dozens of retailers whose cards Falcon accepts, from Walmart to Golf Galaxy to Pottery Barn to Staples. They’ll even take cards from Build-a-Bear, which certainly brings new meaning to that store’s name.
Falcon Studios membership perks
Become a Falcon Studios member and you will never run out of pornography for the rest of your life. The site promises over 3,500 scenes, spanning 45 years of Falcon productions and 25 years of Hothouse. New content is added weekly, and you can browse by DVDs, models, or tags like “bareback” and “kissing.”
There’s also an “asian” tag. It encompasses a grand total of four scenes, which probably says something about whoever handles casting over there. While the site’s nowhere near as racially exclusive as, say, Bel Ami, Falcon’s models generally trend toward white. Without ever saying so, its selection of stars telegraphs a message about whose presence is valued in porn, and whose isn’t.
The Falcon Studios feel
As we noted, the models are all fit and athletic with conventionally attractive (white ) faces, but the video production quality is very high and the scenes move at a brisk pace. One of the more amazing features is just how deep their catalog is, spanning more decades than many of their customers have been alive.
Unfortunately, it can be hard to find the classic stuff. Most of the dates on the “legendary” titles are simply incorrect; the record for “Against the Rules,” for example, claims a release date of 2010, while the bulky mustaches and “pre-condom” copy indicate otherwise.
The stable of models is also vast in number and all similarly muscular, which is at first exciting and then somewhat numbing. Once you’ve seen three dozen cuties with puffy pecs, what’s one more? And then there’s the distressing inclusion of Colby Keller, whose problematic politics (voting for Trump in the hopes that he would give all his money to the National Park Service, which is, uh, bonkers) have become an effective boner-killer.
There’s another quality that defines the site, and that’s its eagerness to get into your wallet. After you sign up, the first thing you see is ads for more porn sites to join, from activeduty.com to maskurbate.com. As a result, it feels a bit like a visit to a high-pressure car dealership where they keep trying to sell you roof racks and nitrogen in the wheels for your Prius. It’s all a bit much when all you ever wanted was to get off.
Falcon Studios review: Should you subscribe?
Look, there are worse penises you could look at for 30 bucks a month.
Falcon Studios provides an onslaught of pornography that will never run out, and if you opt for a yearly subscription you’ll have opened a sexy Pandora’s Box for the cost of two Subway sandwiches a month—provided you can dodge the sneaky add-ons.
But that’s assuming that Falcon’s style addresses your needs, and that your tastes will never change. You might be thrilled to bits with a fit athletic type right now, but after drinking your fill for several months, will you still be excited by the sight of yet another clone bending over in a laughable facsimile of a locker room?
The lack of diversity is hard to overlook, not just as it relates to skin color, but also the level of fitness, hairiness, disability, gender expression, and age. Falcon might be a little too good at maintaining its brand, to the point where the models start to look interchangeable after a couple of videos. At best, it can become monotonous; at worst, it’s a reminder of the pressure queer people feel to conform to a certain ideal, and to exclude those who don’t.
If you’re looking for a taste of variety here, expect only the expected.
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