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[Stares longingly at crimson-breasted northern cardinal chirping gaily while perched in a just-blooming tree outside my window, wishing I was anywhere but typing that last sentence.]
It all started, as most Twitter fights do, when someone did a tweet. In this instance, it was Daniels, who is suing the president for a variety of things, all involving an affair they reportedly had a dozen years ago. The tweet, though, was not related to the affair or Trump.
It was about drinking coffee.
Have you seen my tits? (Of course, you have) I don't jog anywhere. So I'll just sit here, sipping my coffee and talking shit. Xoxo https://t.co/fnsJ5SVcO2— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) May 3, 2018
How did drinking coffee progress to butt sex and Francis Scott Key’s American opus? Because Patricia Arquette (????) responded to talk about class after a woman said Daniels doesn’t speak for her.
Following this logic -If she doesn’t represent “classy women” I guess that means the President represents classless men? Hmm. Interesting. ..— Patricia Arquette (@PattyArquette) May 4, 2018
Barr, who is an advocate for Trump and whose highly-rated sitcom reboot has divided America, mentioned that Daniels did an anal scene, which, I don’t know. I don’t think has anything to do with anything. But she tweeted it.
she's known for anal porn scenes.— Roseanne Barr (@therealroseanne) May 4, 2018
BUT GUESS WHAT?
She hasn’t done an anal scene. And Stormy was swift to let her know.
I don't even do anal movies, you ignorant twat. That's like saying you are known for your beautiful rendition of The Star Spangled Banner. https://t.co/azOOZMDGdw— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) May 4, 2018
(If you didn’t get that insult, Roseanne once horribly botched the national anthem. Talk about a clapback callback.)
OK. But. Then someone who, like, probably should not have been part of this conversation at all said she did do an anal scene.
Not a big fan of that Roseanne, but Pornhub is filled with anal scenes of you @StormyDaniels— Anonymous (@YourMarkLubbers) May 4, 2018
Stormy had an answer for that.
Not true. I have done over 200 movies over last 15 years.Only 1 scene with my husband was anal so get the facts straight. But it doesn't really matter. She tried using my job as a reason to discredit me. (Consensual) sexual choices does NOT make someone less of a human.— Stormy Daniels (@StormyDaniels) May 4, 2018
Anyways, this is a long-winded way of saying I wish I was a bird.
I wish I was a bird!!
David Covucci is the Layer 8 editor at the Daily Dot, covering the intersection of politics and the web. His work has appeared in Vice, the Huffington Post, Jezebel, Gothamist, and other publications. He is particularly interested in hearing any tips you have. Reach out at dcovucci[email protected]