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Just what we need: A space military.
Last month, President Donald Trump made an offhand remark that he wanted to militarize the infinite beyond with a Space Force, because one of the best ways to ensure re-election is to endlessly feed the military-industrial complex.
Space planes! Space missiles! Space jobs in your Space (Earth) district!
Today, Trump tasked Vice President Mike Pence with making the official announcement.
With his trademarked clenched grimace, Pence boldly proclaimed America was going to sink money into things that aren’t low-income housing, assistance for the working poor, healthcare, or infrastructure.
After his big, bold announcement, no one clapped.
Mike Pence, announcing SPACE FORCE, seems to pause for an applause line that never comes pic.twitter.com/s2pTKUXpZ1— Marcus Gilmer (@marcusgilmer) August 9, 2018
Pence said that Trump’s plan to laser fight the galaxy was the surest way to interstellar peace.
America will always seek peace, in space as on the Earth. But history proves that peace only comes through strength. And in the realm of outer space, the United States #SpaceForce will be that strength. pic.twitter.com/I39E00oK60— Vice President Mike Pence (@VP) August 9, 2018
Yes, preparing for war has always brought about… not war. In his speech, Pence even called space a “war-fighting domain.”
.@POTUS’ highest priority is the safety & security of the American people. And while too often previous administrations all but neglected the growing security threats emerging in space, @POTUS stated clearly that space is “a war-fighting domain, just like the land, air & sea." pic.twitter.com/t6UunHsaYr— Vice President Mike Pence (@VP) August 9, 2018
Trump’s plan is to establish Space Force as a sixth branch of the military by 2020, and after Pence’s speech, the president chimed in with this tweet.
Space Force all the way!— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) August 9, 2018
Outside of the industries that are slated to profit tremendously from a space military, no one else thought this was a good idea.
@mike_pence space force will not cover up you taking healthcare benefits away for many hard working Americans— omosweetpea (@omosweetpea) August 9, 2018
In honor of Mike Pence's upcoming "Space Force" speech, remember this? pic.twitter.com/qpY65wQ8Rr— Kathryn Watson (@kathrynw5) August 9, 2018
I can't even stand the stupidity of this, holy shit. https://t.co/tcV8MyhM23— MeIissa Stites (@StitesMelissa) August 9, 2018
People in Flint still don't have drinkable water https://t.co/u3DAbpF6SX— Evan Greer (@evan_greer) August 9, 2018
Have any alien civilizations been asked to pay for it already?— Michaël Niessen (@Michael_Niessen) August 9, 2018
astronaut with a glock drifting through space shooting at the moon https://t.co/AXAy1Y2atS— robert "robert" bennett (@robertjbennett) August 9, 2018
Despite Pence’s and Trump’s confidence and bravado in announcing Space Force, Congress still needs to allocate funds for it, which seems unlikely.
Anyway, if you are one of those people who believes we are living in the dumbest timeline, well:
Love that Pence, a grown man who believes the Earth was created in seven days, is outlining the Space Force— I'm a germaphobe (@GermaphobeSean) August 9, 2018
But it raises a question: Which side will Pence choose when Trump invades heaven?
The Daily Dot has reached out to Pence’s people for a response.
David Covucci is the Layer 8 editor at the Daily Dot, covering the intersection of politics and the web. His work has appeared in Vice, the Huffington Post, Jezebel, Gothamist, and other publications. He is particularly interested in hearing any tips you have. Reach out at [email protected]