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Line up, ladies: There’s an old chap seeking his “Republican Goddess,” and he created an entire website dedicated to finding her.
Reverend William, a 68-year-old, Trump-loving Republican from Los Angeles, California, is looking for love.
Like a prince trying to reunite Cinderella with her golden slipper, the good reverend makes it clear that his Republican goddess needs to be the perfect match. According to his website, findingmyrepublicangoddess.com, any maiden who was “born between 1950–1995” and “takes excellent care of herself” may be the one.
But the requirements do not end there, and he makes it clear that meeting all of his demands may not be for the faint of heart.
“As you read through this website, you will notice that I’m an intense, complex man who thinks waaay ‘outside the box,'” he explains on his site. “If my intensity/complexity is too much for you … well then, we are not a match.”
William goes on to say that he is “very demanding” but plans to make his special goddess happy “beyond her wildest dreams.”
“I am flexible on many things. But there are some things I am not flexible on,” he writes. “I respect your time. Therefore, I will begin by asking you a series of eleven questions to see if you meet my inflexible requirements. If not, we’ll say goodbye without a kiss.”
The website, peppered with animated images of William, then leads to various pages with questions and their potential answers to weed out any ladies who may not fill the bill.
“How do you feel about President Donald Trump?” the first question asks, followed by four possible answers that describe either positive or negative feelings for Trump, who is currently under an impeachment inquiry.
The two answers that reflect positive or neutral opinions about Trump lead to the next question, while the ones that reflect a negative bias lead to a page that gives ladies the boot (without a kiss).
Some of the other questions inquire about marital status, gender history, how well the potential goddess speaks English, and how she styles her hair.
Based on completing the questionnaire, William is seeking a long-haired, female born, Trump-loving maiden with a “trim waistline,” who is A-OK with a man controlling her appearance and wants to “surrender into the arms of a strong, wonderful man.”
But there are also some questions with surprising answers, such as one question regarding religion and spirituality. For example, Reverend William is seeking a woman who loves Jesus but also respects Eastern religion and philosophy. He is also A-OK with immigrants and refugees, women who believe in equal rights but aren’t feminists (so that one kind of cancels itself out), and those who have battled with substance abuse in the past.
For those who get past the questionnaire, William has recorded a five-minute YouTube greeting outlining all of his relationship expectations. It is equally as animated as his photos and is chock-full of thoughtful metaphors.
“Creating an exquisitely happy, incredibly powerful marriage with an awesome goddess is the most important thing to me,” he explains in the clip.
If real, William has surely spared no detail in finding his perfect match. Hat tip to that!
Tiffanie Drayton is a geek culture and lifestyle reporter whose work covers everything from gender and race to anime and Xbox. Her work has appeared in Complex, Salon, Marie Claire, Playboy, and elsewhere.