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Rand Paul posts his annual ‘airing of grievances’ tweetstorm to celebrate Festivus
The epic rant ruthlessly targets both political parties.
For most people, the holidays are a time to come together with friends and family to share what we’re most thankful for. But for one politician, it’s the ideal occasion to post a scathing Twitter rant about all the things he hates.
Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul continued his strange holiday ritual by posting the annual Festivus “airing of grievances” to Twitter on Saturday. If you’re not familiar, the holiday, which was founded by Seinfeld’s Frank Costanza, asks its followers to rage about all their problems.
You can see how it came to be in this clip.
Paul takes Festivus very seriously, as you might conclude from the more than 35 consecutive tweets he posted about the holiday. It appears 2017 was a particularly stressful year for the GOP senator, who blew up his follower’s feeds with unfiltered commentary.
As you all know... pic.twitter.com/T80kTfHpC3— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
“You’re going to be saying #HappyFestivus again. “Believe me!” Paul started, poking fun at the president’s distinct speech.
You’re going to be saying #HappyFestivus again. Believe me!— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Before we get started, I need to alert @FoxNews and someone in DC that this is NOT a war on Christmas. It’s a war on everything else.— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
He quickly moved on to the president, landing some heavy blows to his ego.
I hear even @realDonaldTrump loved It. He said It was the “third best book ever written”.— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
That’s high praise considering he thinks the first two were both inspired by God.— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
If anyone doesn’t get that you can read about It here https://t.co/NR6cB63tmo— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Things were just ramping up. Paul started going after his colleagues with a mix of GIFs and memes. He appropriately slammed Ted Cruz for his embarrassing Twitter interaction with Star Wars actor Mark Hamill.
There are how many million Americans who’ve wanted to force-choke Ted, and he picked on the one who could do It. Brave, he is pic.twitter.com/rL5c65wMoH— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
He also joked about how the government spends millions on a secret UFO program—an initiative started by Nevada Democrat Harry Reid, who believes aliens exist.
We argued about taxes. Fought about spending. Worked on repatriation together. I helped treat your eye injury...— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
HOW IS IT YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THE ALIENS, HARRY??!!— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
After a brief intermission, Paul focused his attention on government spending. Here are a few of the more interesting entries from his last set of tweets.
My #Festivus edition of the Waste Report totals $563,421,523 the federal government wasted.— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
The average taxpayer pays around $8,136. That means the programs in this report wasted the taxes of 69,250 people— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
Your government spent $3,217,960 on putting on music festival and concerts abroad.— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
They spent $324,015 to pay for a clown school in Argentina. Rumors to the contrary, this was not a CODEL— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
It may not seem like a lot of money, but we spent just under $100k to make sure Kenyan farmers knew how to use Facebook.— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
We spent over $170k to build trails in national parks. Seems like not too bad until you read the next line that the parks were in Russia— Senator Rand Paul (@RandPaul) December 23, 2017
If Paul is a true believer in Festivus, then—now that all the grievances have been aired—it’s time for the “feats of strength,” where he’ll have to pin an opponent to the ground in a wrestling match. What do think, @realDonaldTrump?
If you want to learn how to celebrate Festivus, check out our guide.
Phillip Tracy is a former technology staff writer at the Daily Dot. He's an expert on smartphones, social media trends, and gadgets. He previously reported on IoT and telecom for RCR Wireless News and contributed to NewBay Media magazine. He now writes for Laptop magazine.