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Sea are double 8 double seat double eat.

Most of us, if asked to count the candidates in the running for the American presidency in 2016, would come up with half a dozen. The political fetishists among us, possibly a half dozen more.

The actual number? 384. So far.

That’s right, 384 people have filed the paperwork necessary to run as a presidential candidate in the next U.S. election. If someone had said 384 people were registered to vote in the next election, it wouldn’t be much harder to believe.

In addition to the Republican and Democratic candidates, there are the third-party reachers, whose likelihood of election is miniscule but whose campaigns can sometimes affect public discourse and drain enough votes from other candidates to alter the outcome of an election.

But that still does not add up to 384. To reconcile that number you have to solve for X, where X has a value between sad and crazy.

In this, our modern age, we seek the measure of a person not in the works of their hands, or in the content of their character, but in the videos of their YouTubes.

For the sake of sanity, we’ve restricted our video selections to those who have registered their candidacy with the Federal Election Commission as an official and legal presidential candidate.  Anyone can register, though it is not required until the candidate raises, or spends, over $5,000. There are no doubt plenty of others who have not reached that bar and have elected not to file with the FEC.

The most surprising conclusion we reached examining what we might charitably call the more “eccentric” candidates is that your average long-shot presidential hopeful is more likely to be an Uncle Who Owns a Body Shop Up in La Pine and Goes to the Paperback Exchange type than a Tasmanian Devil Fountain of Dada.  

So, without further ado, the eight strangest ones.

John Green Ferguson, no party listed:

HRM Caesar Saint Augustine de Buonaparte Emperor of the United States of Turtle Island, Democrat:

Princess Khadijah M. Jacob-Fambro, Democrat:


Christopher Earl Strunk, Natural Born Citizen Party:

Robert MacLeod, Jr., AME:

Marco Rubio, Republican:

Lincoln Chafee, Democrat:

Oh, all right. He’s never been on the register because he has never raised more than $5,000, but we’ll make an exception and include Vermin Supreme, if for no other reason than he is the only candidate here whose gibberish makes sense. It’s sensible.

Vermin Supreme, Free Pony Party:

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