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54 things to remember about President Obama on his 54th birthday

President Obama in meeting

White House/Flickr (PD)

1. All the times he’s been thanked.

President Obama turned 54 years old on Tuesday. Here are 54 things we’ll always remember about his presidency, for better or worse:

1) First black president

2) First black president to win a second term

3) First black president to think he could probably win third term

4) First black president to marry a woman named Michelle

5) First black president to eat bacon, hash browns

6) First black president to give into his children’s demands to acquire second dog

7) First president to attend Harvard since immediate predecessor

8) The Affordable Care Act, the most efficient system ever devised for killing old people to make room for all the anchor babies that has also  saved over 50,000 lives and reduced healthcare costs by $15 billion dollars

9) Dramatic expansion of military drone strikes

10) First sitting president to publicly support drone marriage

11) Ended war in Iraq

12) Restarted war in Iraq

13) Repealed Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

14) First president to appear on a fern-based Internet comedy show 

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15) Improved race relations in the U.S.

16) Destroyed race relations in the U.S.

17) First black president to appear at least three times on The Daily Show

18) Proved nerd cred by pushing FCC to implement net neutrality

19) Lost all nerd cred by confusing Star Trek with Star Wars

20) The Murder 

21) First president since Nixon to have halfway decent jump shot

22) Fast & Furious scandal

23) Furious 7 not being awarded Best Picture Oscar immediately upon its release scandal

24) First president to treat Oval Office with dignity it deserves by taking solid selfie with a selfie stick 

25) First president whose vice president ate more ice cream than he did 

26) #Benghazi

27) #IRSghazi

28) #ObamacareWebsiteghazi

29) #BirthCertificateghazi

30) Held best White House press conference ever by only taking questions from female reporters

31) #NotAllMenghazi

32) Secretly minted trillion-dollar coin. Allegedly put in back pocket in case of emergency

33) Improved relations with both Cuba and Iran, moves which subsequently improved ratings for Fox News

34) First president in a century to not secretly be a lizard person disguised in human form

35) First president since George W. Bush

36) Inability to reunite teen heartthrob Zayn Malik and British boy band One Direction, marking Obama adminstration’s biggest foreign policy failure

37) Signed legislation officially designating the post office located at 18640 NW 2nd Avenue in Miami, Florida, as the Father Richard Marquess-Barry Post Office Building

38) First president since Truman to admit he actually likes rap

39) First president to decline challenge from citizen to arm wrestle for vote

40) First president to decline challenge from world leader to arm wrestle for Crimea

41) First black president to be advised maybe not to dance in public anymore—you know, just a suggestion 

42) Visited birthplace

43) First sitting president to be asked, literally, anything 

44) First president to seriously consider whether he would rather fight one horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses

45) Spied on Americans

46) Spied on Americans slightly less

47) Secretly smoked cigarettes literally every second of every day

48) Saved entire global economy or whatever

49) First winner of Nobel Peace Prize to bomb Yemeni wedding party with drone strike

50) Created Twitter account for Hillary Clinton/Jeb Bush/Donald Trump

51) Got one solid night of sleep in seven years

52) Created fun workplace environment for the Secret Service

53) Took respectable number of strokes off golf game

54) Got sparkly new Communist Party membership card

Photo by White House/Flickr (PD)

Aaron Sankin

Aaron Sankin

Aaron Sankin is a former Senior Staff Writer at the Daily Dot who covered the intersection of politics, technology, online privacy, Twitter bots, and the role of dank memes in popular culture. He lives in Seattle, Washington. He joined the Center for Investigative Reporting in 2016.