These Yelpers have no idea they’re reviewing erotic massage parlors

This article contains sexually explicit content.

Contrary to popular belief, Yelp is far from the only website holding the service industry to higher standards. There’s also RubMaps, a database where users compile meticulous feedback on massage parlors that offer “happy endings,” or manual relief at the end of a massage. All that’s required for membership is $14.95 a month, plus a willingness to expose oneself to possible credit card fraud.

These “mongers,” as they refer to themselves, are not messing around when it comes to dropping Benjamins on erotic spa treatments. They can be very critical of a “provider” when it comes to looks, attitude, technique, or even English fluency. Sites like RubMaps, SpaHunters, and EroticMP are the closest thing we have to objective online sex worker reviews (at least, for now).

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But what happens when you compare their critiques to the ones found on Yelp? That’s when things get interesting. It seems that more than anything, satisfaction depends on what the customer expects coming in—and, of course, what they expect coming out.

Day Spa Gata

RubMaps review: 3 stars

I thought Sasha was beautiful and I would have given this a higher rating if she wasn’t so unenthusiastic. Her massage was okay, with some pressure [Certified Massage Therapist] style, but the [full body sensual massage] skills were lacking. There was some half-ass teasing of the boys and it felt too forced for me…She started stroking me while I felt up her still-tight body. She kept in shape and I loved touching her parts. She made me release pretty quickly because of the fast paced robotic stroke. Good experience, but I hope I get a more enthusiastic provider next time.

Yelp review: 1 star

This is my first personal review ever. I’m feel compelled to write this after a sadly disappointing facial. I’m new to the city and wanted to find a spot near my place. Even though there was too few reviews I decided to go regardless. I went for the $69.99 facial special I saw on their site. I was asked for the print out of this?????? It’s their website but I had to show it anyway thru my phone. Before, I even sat she said oily skin, eh. Um no very dry actually, it’s the sunscreen I put for the walk over and that was the last words I heard from her…She was in the room with me for maybe 15 minutes total the rest of the times she was out while my face was steamed and mask settled in. $70!! I feel robbed.

Spa Sol

RubMaps review: 5 stars

I brought my own condom and she began blow very slow to begin with. I think it’s a shared feeling that no one cares much for a condom infused blow job, but still, I asked her if she could use her tongue more. I’m not big guy, that much I’ll admit but I did want her to go deeper. Still, just that feeling of getting head, seeing your penis disappear into her mouth. For me at least, just seeing that strand of saliva, I can’t get enough of it.

Yelp review: 1 star

Omg!!! Can’t believe this place hasn’t be shut down! The place smells awful just at the entrance. The woman at the front desk was nasty the second we walked in. She got suspicious when she noticed that we suspected this place to be a rub and tug. She yelled at us to get out. when I mentioned to my bf that I needed to use the bathroom she interjected and yelled at me “this isn’t a public bathroom” oh really? She then continued yelling “get out! I will call the police” we laughed and left saying she’s more likely to get herself into trouble. Basically, this place should be shut down!!

West Garden Spa

RubMaps review: 4 stars

Place is immaculate. High end spa facility. They have ATM on site also. First time to this place. Got assigned to Angela and waited in the room for approximately 10 minutes. She came in and greeted me and introduced herself. She was very upbeat and friendly. Started with usual massage, just ok. I had showered before I came and she complimented on my bodywash smell. She rubbed my back and walked on my back. During the flip, she gave me light touch with her fingers and I ask her if she could give me a [handjob]. At first, she hesisted until I offered her $50 up front and then she just started stroking my dick with oil.

Yelp review: 5 stars

Last time I went here my friend tried to be sweet but didn’t get to be sweet. These people are racists. Be careful. I highly recommend this place.


Big Tree Spa

RubMap review: 5 stars

This place has older women who are ridiculously hot. First went upstairs and got changed. Had a nice table shower which was pretty good. She was very playful during the [table shower]. The massage to follow was almost perfect. Got every single spot on my body that needed some relaxation. She is very talkative and chatty, but very pleasant and has nice breath unlike some Chinese ladies who have massaged me at other places in the past. She asked if I read about her on the Internet. I said NO! I told her my friend Bob sent me. She smiled and gave me a great [happy ending]. I will be back and check out who else is on the menu.

Yelp review: 1 star

This place is not worth paying a penny. I went with my boyfriend for his birthday but ended up in another spa because this place didn’t feel like a spa to us. The scrub bath was ok but when they started making the massage the two massagers wouldn’t stop talking to each other. Hello I thought a massage was supposed to mean peaceful and quiet not Chinese words in my ears. Then after 40 min they said ok finish. Oh and the worse part is that I have psoriasis. She wouldn’t touch it. So only got a back massage. Worst place ever.

NY Health Spa

RubMaps review: 3 stars

First time going here and I picked Laura for the time being. For what it was, Laura knows exactly how to treat you well. The massage was good, but the best thing is her personality . Looks are just as good so I’d say it was a bomb visit. After 20 min of massage, I kept grabbing the inside off her ass, she was wearing this cute skirt and she would just laugh every time I played around with it. When she turned me around, I knew [full service] would begin soon…Finished by coming all over her tits and one long kiss. A definite revisit here is worth it. [Note: Another user has commented: “this is absolutely fake. there is no Laura.”]

Yelp review: 1 star

Dirty, dirty, gross place- a bad business and scary place, it is not a proper “massage” place and if that is what your looking for look out.

Pearl Angel Spa / Pearl Body Work

RubMaps review: 4 stars

Had 3 beezies working at the time. Mimi, Candy and Ruby. mamasan said there were Japanese babes working but they all looked Korean to me. Candy was good but not super attractive. She is cute enough to get a tug though. Her massage skills were a bit lacking in the [Certified Massage Therapist] department but I enjoyed her sensual touch throughout my body. She knew how to tease and teased me to no end…Release was big and dripped down her hands. Hot towel clean up and hug.

Yelp review: 1 star

Tried to go there at lunch time but was turned away – couldn’t quite make out what they were trying to say but something about they don’t take women customers. I question the legitimacy of the business as the decor and front door has NYPD posters and stickers all over (rather than the business name) and the massage rooms were lit in pink!  Don’t waste your time.

HK Spa

RubMaps review: 4 stars

Sophia was my type of Latina girl. She was thick with an unbelievable ass. I loved her rack too and she was wearing some very tight, revealing clothing. During the massage, she slowly massaged my back with some very sensual rubbing at the buttocks area. I loved the way she was going under my towel, giving me hints of what was to come…Release was great and she cleaned me up quickly with a hot towel. Massaged my head for a bit with the time remaining and she let me go. Very nice girl.

Yelp: 1 star

I should have known when you couldn’t see in the place because of stained glass doors and covered windows that this place was going to be beyond awful.  I got my pedicure first, and this was alright – nothing I would ever go back for, but not awful (or at least I didn’t realize how awful until I got back to work and took a good look). Then, it was time for a manicure. The way she filed my nails left them MUCH shorter, lopsided and jagged. I asked her to fix a few times, but they just kept getting worse and shorter so I decided to just deal… I still had to pay for the manicure and pedicure, but walked out of there without my nails painted and having wasted over an hour.. I don’t know how this place keeps its doors open.

MOMO Therapy

Adult Search review:

Providers Name: Gabby
well just wanted to give the fella’s out there at heads-up because its been awhile since I saw a review on Gabby. She’s still there and she’s definitely worth the visit.. VIP read on

Yelp: 3 stars

Did not get the full half hour as promised!  I even paid $50 for it, and i had to leave after 20-25 minutes–because a very important customer showed up…..poor service.  Place was grungy, and dingy looking/feeling.  Would not recommend.

Jian Kang Acupuncture

41 reviews on Rubmaps

Yelp: 1 star

Went here because my other massage place closed early on July 4th.  Thought we’d give this place a try.
1. 2 chinese ladies and were really aggressive on getting our business
2. They first asked for $60/hr – I said no. We walked out, close to getting in the car the lady came out running saying she’d give us $10 off each.
3. My bf went in first and I was in the room next door.
4. My lady did not start until 15 mins later, so I was laying there, waiting……
5. They asked me to pay first. Asking “did you want to include tip?” – Uhmm. I don’t give tip until the service is over then I evaluate how well it was?
6. The lady kept on answer her stupid phone when she was massaging my bf.
7. Then, my lady finished 5 mins earlier so I really didn’t get a full 1 hour massage.
8. The massage wasn’t that great. She didn’t even rub my head or my feet.  My feet still hurts from the weekend!

My Unique Salon

14 Reviews on RubMaps

Yelp: 4 stars

wow, I don’t understand why this place doesn’t get that many hits on yelp as other thai massage places in the neighborhood. Possibly because it’s advertised more as a skin care spa rather then massage.

I went today and got a massage from Paula. I had shoulder surgery 2 years ago and have strayed from thai massages for fear of being bent too rough and incurring injuries. I told her about my surgery and she leaned more toward a Swedish style massage and seemed to really understand the joining muscles surrounding the shoulder. It felt like actual physical therapy. Will be going again. The place is clean and looks like it has gone though a remodel. Not skivvy or uninviting. Very happy.

Rainbow de Spa

18 Reviews on RubMaps

Yelp: 1.5 stars

Not a good place at all.  Massage was a waste of money and the guy straight up asked how much I would tip.  Lots of other places which are better.

 

This place reminds me a whole lot like Spa De’ Beverly. Faux CMT certificates plastered along the wall to give clients the false impression that the masseuses are legit. It isn’t until you lay down and have someone pressing their elbow directly onto your vertebrae that you realize what a mistake it was coming here.

My spinal cord was out of commission for 2 days because of the massage I received here. The owner was apologetic and stated, “next time very special massage.” Yeah right!

Also, there is no one at the front desk. Two masseuses per shift so if two customers come in for “therapy” the owner locks the front door.

Horrible experience.

Green Massage Spa

18 Reviews on RubMaps

Yelp: 3.5 star

This place is pretty good and great prices. 40 bucks for an hr with a $10 tip is very cheap for how they go to town.

I find the reviews about “going to the authorities” over having your pants tugged down comical. This is what happens when you get a legit massage. It has nothing to do with sex, get over yourselves puleez.

Dhara Dhevi Thai Massage

63 Reviews on RubMaps

Yelp: 4.5 stars

I have been there 4 times so far. I found this place by chance and went there first time without reading any reviews.

First of all, getting there is very easy. Parking is easy as well. I generally go such kind of places in the daytime, so it is easy to find parking, but I don’t know how it is after 5 pm. I don’t know the names of any girls except Reya. There is a guy for whom does not feel comfortable with a girl.

As I did not know the place, I was ready for the worst scenario. However the things went well. At all experiences, I got soft medium Thai Massage, since I don’t like strong massage. My first experience was with a tall, slim girl. She was a bit shy but very well. I went out the place very relaxed and free of tension. Second experience was with again tall but this time voluptuous girl. She was amazing, very soft and relaxing. The best experience ever I had here. The last two experiences was with a tiny girl, Reya. She was amazing as well. As she is tiny, she can do it on your back with her feet, something interesting as well as soothing.

Wellcome are is not very comfortable, since you feel like buying ticket at a ticket window. After making the payment they open the door and take you to the room. My first room was very tiny and dark, but other times, I was taken to a larger room, which increases the comfort. Tables are pretty comfortable, but I am sure that there are more comfortable tables to be substituted.

Prices are pretty cool and affordable. 40 bucks till 3pm. It’s amazing for such kind of service. As a last word, I don’t think they should be perceived as cheap and fake massage centers.

Tables and wellcome area have blinded the 5th star…

Lala Massage

51 Reviews on RubMaps

Yelp: 5 stars

I sent my boyfriend in for a massage as a gift. I know I must be very open-minded to send a guy into this place. Bottom line, he thought I was the coolest girlfriend of all time. He ravaged me when he got home.

The place is really only for guys. It’s clean, the women are all Korean and very friendly. My boyfriend had Suzy. He gave her the extra tip and had an amazing time. Suzy gave him a really hard, deep tissue massage that left him like jello.

If you have an open mind and want your boyfriend to have fun, this is the place.

Well, now you do.

Additional reporting by John-Michael Bond. 

Editor’s note: This article has been updated to include additional reviews and context. 

Miles Klee

Miles Klee

Miles Klee is a novelist and web culture reporter. The former editor of the Daily Dot’s Unclick section, Klee’s essays, satire, and fiction have appeared in Lapham’s Quarterly, Vanity Fair, 3:AM, Salon, the Awl, the New York Observer, the Millions,  and the Village Voice. He's the author of two odd books of fiction, 'Ivyland' and 'True False.'