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For those of us with partners who wouldn’t mind a quick Las Vegas wedding, we should thank our lucky stars today. Whoever was engaged to the bridezilla in this recent viral story isn’t so fortunate.
Planning a wedding is a hellish nightmare that most people would rather just toss to their spouse or relatives to plan, but not this self-centered bride.
The story comes courtesy of Twitter user @0lspicykeychain, who says they found the status in a “wedding shaming” group they’re part of on Facebook. For the uninitiated, wedding shaming is basically a gathering of folks who love to rag on overly gaudy, elaborate, or otherwise totally bonkers weddings.
If you have a solid 10 mins to absorb this, I present a very real status shared in a wedding shaming group I'm a part of— last of a dying brand (@0lspicykeychain) August 25, 2018
Our tale begins innocently enough. There’s a charming woman from modest means and a fairytale journey of young love. Our heroine and her partner met each other working on her parents’ farm, quickly bonding and falling in love as youths, and becoming engaged at 18 (with, as the poster points out, a ring “worth nearly $5K”). They took their commitment all the way to community college and had their first child at the age of 20.
Our two ill-fated lovebirds manage to save up $15,000 for their wedding, according to our author. As all wise and sane people do, though, the couple consulted a psychic for help choosing between two possible venues. The psychic told them to go for the more expensive option in Aruba, totaling an estimated $60,000.
Strap in, folks. It’s all downhill from here.
Our author requested some cash gifts from attendees, which isn’t all that unusual. It’s certainly easier than hauling a Crock-Pot out of Target. Unfortunately, our author asked for a not-so-standard donation of $1,500 per guest. Naturally, only eight guests RSVPed with their checks, signaling the beginning of the end of the relationship.
The exasperated fiance asked if it would be a bad idea to get a much cheaper wedding in Vegas, which our faulty bride-to-be just would not have. Unfortunately for her, this was the end of her engagement.
Our tragic tale ends with some choice words for the bride-to-be’s supposed bridesmaids, and plenty of bewilderment that our starry-eyed princess turned into a 50-story bridezilla.
this is some lower stakes 13 reasons why shit. https://t.co/MMJWmhMd5B— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) August 25, 2018
Declyn: “I made you a macaroni picture frame for you birthday Mommy!”— Brian Dashnaw (@Brd32) August 25, 2018
Susan: “I ASKED FOR A NEW COACH BAG! DONT YOU LOVE ME?!?!”
The most offensive part of all this is that somewhere there's a poor kid called Declyn. Request for money: declyned.— Bryan Samblin (@BJSamblin) August 26, 2018
For never was there a story of more “whoa,” than this of Susan and her bullet-dodging Romeo.
Joseph Knoop is a gaming writer for Daily Dot, a native Chicagoan, and a slave to all things Overwatch. He co-founded the college geek culture outlet ByteBSU, then interned at Game Informer, and now writes for a bunch websites his parents have never heard of.