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Analysis
Straight women on TikTok are getting a kick out of saying that they were in a lesbian relationship, “not with a woman, of course, but with a man who was a bitch.” Beyond this just not being funny, it’s very homophobic and disparaging to lesbians.
The trend started in mid-January with a video from TikToker Hannah Jones (@indihannah__jones).
“I used to be in a lesbian relationship,” Jones says in her TikTok. “Not with a woman, of course, but with a man who is a bitch.”
Though Jones’s comments section was filled with requests for her to “explain the joke,” and rebuttals saying that the relationship she described is not a lesbian relationship and/or that her joke isn’t funny, her video took off. It currently has almost 10 million views, and the audio of Jones’s voice has been used in over 7,000 videos—many of which are from straight women making the same “joke.”
There are some duets from queer people, however, calling out Jones. One, in particular, makes the point that “cis het people” seem to find it “impossible” to not use queer people “as a punchline,” which is exactly what Jones is doing. Others just say they are “side eyeing” Jones.
Nevertheless, she persisted: Other straight women are still making Jones’s joke in forms other than using her audio in their TikToks. Many have simply written a version of Jones’s phrase in the overlay text of a TikTok showing them dancing with a glass of wine.
“It’s kinda the same thing, right?” Sasha Vazquez (@momtogoose) wrote in the caption of her video likening being with a man who “acted like a bitch” to a lesbian relationship.
No, it’s not, Sasha. It’s not the same thing, on a theoretical or practical level—take it from someone who has been in relationships with women and men.
Why it matters
TikToker @lezbeoldernwizer, who is a lesbian, hit the nail on the head in her video about the trend.
“Lesbians are not & do not act like little bitches,” the TikToker wrote in her video’s overlay text. “Your man was just a d1ck.”
The trend/joke is an issue because it likens lesbians and/or women in relationships with other women to “bitchy” men. Plus, it makes our relationships, which are just as real as relationships between women and men—no matter how bitchy the latter party is—seem invalid.
It’s not funny when queer people and queer relationships are the butt of a joke, no matter how many straight women are laughing.