Have you ever had unmarried sex in Idaho, or seduced a woman in Michigan? Don’t answer that question. You could incriminate yourself because both of those things are technically still illegal. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the pious nation of the United States is full of weird sex laws. While many of them are archaic and haven’t actually been enforced in many years, some are still in use today (or, in one case in Ohio, very selectively in use).
While you probably won’t be arrested for most of these, we wouldn’t recommend making a bucket list inspired by them either, just to be safe (although you’ve likely already broken a few). Without further ado, we present the weirdest sex laws in the United States.
Sex laws by state
Alabama
Anal and oral sex is illegal between unmarried people.
Arizona
Adultery is still a class three misdemeanor. However, suspects can’t be prosecuted unless the spouse is willing to press charges.
Arkansas
Spouses can sue if their partner gets an abortion without their consent.
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California
Stuffed articles made to look like breasts, also known as boob pillows, can’t be sold within 1,000 feet of a highway.
Colorado
In Cattle Creek, it’s against the law to have sex with your spouse while bathing in a river or stream.
Georgia
Anal and oral sex are prohibited regardless of marital status.
Hawaii
There are no laws on the books which prohibit bestiality.
Idaho
Unmarried sex can result in a $300 fine or six months in jail.
Illinois
When someone sells a reptile they are legally required to give the purchaser a written warning telling them not to kiss the reptile.
Indiana
Noticeable boners, or as the law calls it, “covered male genitals in a discernibly turgid state,” are illegal in public.
Kansas
It is illegal to knowingly drive a prostitute to their sex work.
Louisiana
Streaking is totally legal, as long as it isn’t done with “lascivious intent.”
Maine
In Buckfield, cab drivers cannot charge a fare to passengers who perform sexual favors in exchange for a ride from a place that serves alcohol.
Maryland
Condoms cannot be sold in vending machines, except in places where liquor is sold.
Massachusetts
Sodomy is still on the books as illegal.
Michigan
Seducing and “debauching” an unmarried woman is a felony, with a punishment of up to five years in jail.
Minnesota
Grabbing someone’s clothed buttocks is not considered sexual assault (though lawmakers are working to change that).
Mississippi
In sex education classes, you are allowed to teach about contraceptives, but condom demonstrations are explicitly forbidden.
Missouri
Springfield has tragically banned sideboob and underboob in public.
Nebraska
No one who is “afflicted with a venereal disease” is legally allowed to marry.
Nevada
While prostitution within licensed brothels is legal, those brothels cannot legally be within 400 yards of a place of worship.
New Mexico
Topless bars are a no-go, as “indecent waitering” is illegal.
New York
Adult businesses must devote no more than 40 percent of their square footage to adult entertainment.
North Carolina
There is a real city called Horneytown, and massage parlors are hilariously illegal there.
North Dakota
In Fargo, skinny dipping in the Red River is illegal between 8am—9pm, and presumably legal from 9:01pm—7:59am.
Ohio
It is illegal for a stripper to touch a patron. Stormy Daniels was arrested for this just last month.
Oklahoma
Sex education instructors must, against scientific evidence, teach students that “engaging in homosexual activity is primarily responsible for contact with the AIDS virus.”
Pennsylvania
Condoms cannot legally be sold in vending machines ever.
South Carolina
It is illegal to seduce someone using the promise of marriage.
South Dakota
It is illegal to use a covered wagon in any way for the purposes of prostitution.
Tennessee
In Skullbone, a woman may not “pleasure a man” who is operating a motor vehicle.
Texas
Anyone who has six or more “obscene devices” (dildos) “is presumed to possess them with intent to promote”—and promoting obscenity is illegal.
Utah
In Tremonton, you cannot legally have sex while riding in an ambulance.
Vermont
In Beanville, it is illegal to sell or distribute roadmaps which have ads of a “lewd or lascivious nature.”
Virginia
You cannot have sex in your car, no matter where you park it.
Washington
Strippers are not legally allowed to wear devices which simulate pubic hair.
West Virginia
It is illegal to transport anyone, sex worker or client, to a place of prostitution.
Wisconsin
In Connersville, it is illegal for a man to fire a gun while his partner is climaxing.
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Wyoming
In Newcastle, it is illegal to have sex in a walk-in freezer.
Bonus: Federal Level
There is no federal regulation of the materials allowed in sex toys.
Editor’s note: This article is regularly updated for relevance.