Wannabe porn stars’ cover letters are even funnier on stock photos

These people clearly didn't listen to their college career counselors.

 

EJ Dickson

IRL

Published May 6, 2015   Updated May 28, 2021, 9:53 pm CDT

Let’s be honest: Looking for a new job is super hard. Either you spend all your time cold-emailing prospective employers, or you go on countless rounds of interviews with nary a job prospect in sight. 

But some ambitious souls don’t have time for that nonsense. They know exactly what they want in a career, and by golly, they’ll stop at nothing to get it. The men (and women!) who email the porn site Redtube asking for advice on how to get paid for having on-camera sex fall into this category.

Although Redtube is a streaming tube site that doesn’t even produce its own content, the company gets a ton of lewd, semi-literate emails from smut-industry hopefuls on a daily basis. So they decided to compile them on a Tumblr, where they transpose some especially bizarre quotes onto stock photos. (Why do porn-related comments and stock photos always go well together? They just do. Never question the mysteries of the Internet.)

Some of the emails are surprisingly sober and polite. In fact, they read an awful lot like multimedia internship cover letters.

Red Tube Wannabe Pornstars/Tumblr

Redtube Wannabe Pornstars

Others more predictably skirt the boundaries of literacy.

Redtube Wannabe Pornstars

Some heed the No. 1 rule of writing a cover letter: be clear about your strengths and interests, so your employer will know what value you’ll add to the company. Enthusiasm is also a plus.

Redtube Wannabe Pornstars

Redtube Wannabe Pornstars

Other applicants are somewhat more vague.

Redtube Wannabe Pornstars

Redtube Wannabe Pornstars

But either way, all of these applicants share one stellar quality:

Redtube Wannabe Pornstars

Thank you all very much for your time. You’ll hear from us on our decision in seven to nine business days.

Photo via RedTube Wannabe Pornstars/Tumblr

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*First Published: May 6, 2015, 12:33 pm CDT