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We did it, guys. Pokémon has officially infiltrated every niche of society, because now, there are Pokémon sex toys. Sounds like the work of Team Rocket, amirite?
The “Pokémoan” line of sex toys comes from Australian vendors GeekySexToys, which regularly finds inspiration in weird places. They have a “Doctor Screw Sonic Dildo,” a “dragon egg” bullet vibrator, and a cock ring shaped like the Green Lantern’s ring.
Their “Pokémoan” line features three dildos—”Charmy,” “Squirty” and “Bulby”—based off the aesthetics of Charmander, Squirtle and Bulbasaur, respectively. There’s also a butt plug inspired by Pikachu, and you can get all four in a stylish Pokédex box. Individually, they range from $50 to $69 (nice).
The creators, who go by Emma and Josh, tell the Daily Dot over email that they never intended to get into the sex toy business. “We just couldn’t find the fun geeky themed toys we were looking for, so we decided to make our own.” They had also planned on making Pokémon-themed toys long before Pokémon Go hit everyone’s phone, but once they heard the game was being released they decided to rush production.
“We would have loved to ‘Make em all,’ but we knew that wasn’t possible,” they said. “So we decided to go with the original starter Pokémon,” plus an homage to much-beloved Pikachu. But even with these four designs, they’ve been overwhelmed with orders—there are fewer than 100 left in stock.
Once the Pokémon Go craze is over (as if that will ever happen), they plan on working on a line of customizable “swords,” but until then, what other Pokémon would make good sex toys? Horsea G-spot stimulator? Onix anal beads?
Anyway, now’s your chance to use that “There’s a Pokémon in my bed” line and mean it.
Jaya Saxena is a lifestyle writer and editor whose work focuses primarily on women's issues and web culture. Her writing has appeared in GQ, ELLE, the Toast, the New Yorker, Tthe Hairpin, BuzzFeed, Racked, Eater, Catapult, and others. She is the co-author of 'Dad Magazine,' the author of 'The Book Of Lost Recipes,' and the co-author of 'Basic Witches.'