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Acting as if it’s an ‘anti-feminist’ celebration hurts us all.
Observing International Men’s Day in 2018 might seem a little out of place. Amid the one-year mark of the Me Too movement against sexual harassment and assault, and the snail’s pace at which salaries of women of color are tracking to meet up with those of white men, “celebrating” men and masculinity feels “unnecessary.”
“Isn’t every day International Men’s Day?” I can recall myself snidely commenting years ago.
But this day of acknowledgment isn’t so much about celebrating masculinity as it is about questioning it. About checking in with men in your life to make sure they know that, contrary to how they may feel their own issues are being regarded publicly, people care about their health and wellbeing.
We care if men struggle with meeting the unspoken criteria of masculinity, or if they find themselves to be a survivor of sexual assault, or if they live with depression or suicidal ideation. We care that gay, bisexual, and transgender men are unfairly harassed and discriminated against, and that men of color are unfairly policed by people in their communities.
International Men’s Day gives us an opportunity to signal the acceptance of healthy masculinities, and remind ourselves to check in with the people in our lives who may have problems embracing those ideas for themselves.
Across Twitter, people are sharing their hopes and reminders for International Men’s Day, using the day as a hashtag. Some are discussing the health risks that men often have to deal with at a higher rate—that men are more likely to commit suicide and hide mental health issues. Many are placing an emphasis on mental health, reminding men to take time for themselves to address mental health problems.
Men are three times more likely to kill themselves.
More likely to hide a mental health problem.
To be addicts.
To die young.
To be violent.
To commit crime.
To end up homeless.
Or in prison.
Toxic masculine values poison inwards as well as outwards. #InternationalMensDay.
— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) November 19, 2018
Wishing a warm and lovely day to all you men out there. Hope you'll use today to focus on how you can better take care of yourself and center mental health in your life. You are absolutely worth it.#InternationalMensDay
— Charlotte Clymer🏳️🌈 (@cmclymer) November 19, 2018
Happy #InternationalMensDay you sexy men. Ignore the absolute dickheads who use this day to be absolute dickheads. The stigma around male mental health still exists, so spend some time looking after yourself, check in on a mate, let's look out for each other as much as we can
— TechnicallyRon (@TechnicallyRon) November 19, 2018
This is amazing and is why we need to continue to break down ‘the strong, silent type’ nonsense 👏🏻 So glad that men are more comfortable than ever to have real talk with their mates, partners and families. Being honest in no way diminishes your masculinity pic.twitter.com/TFjdnD33z3
— Melanie Murphy (@melaniietweets) November 19, 2018
Others are taking it to the next level and imploring men to embrace feminism—the equality of all genders—as a means of acknowledging how they themselves hold each other up to unrealistic and harmful standards of masculinity. And some are outright naming the patriarchy and toxic masculinity, the restrictive valuation of traditionally masculine traits.
Today is #InternationalMensDay. Together let's challenge harmful gender stereotypes and recognise that equality is for everyone. Feminism benefits all.
— Glasgow Women’s Library (@womenslibrary) November 19, 2018
My hope is that all of us men who have ever succumb to toxic masculinity and mask our pain and true selves find light today.
It’s okay to cry
It’s okay to be emotional
It’s okay to have weaknesses
It’s okay to be sensitive
It’s okay to feel overwhelmed#InternationalMensDay
— Frederick Joseph (@FredTJoseph) November 19, 2018
Men are taught:
– Sharing feelings is "feminine" and bad.
– Physical strength = self-worth.
– It is THEIR job to support a family.
– They are somehow "less of a man" if a wife earns more.
The patriarchy is bad for everyone.
— Bec Hill (Be Chill) (@bechillcomedian) November 19, 2018
On #InternationalMensDay remember that a sense of entitlement is the surest way to a half lived life.
— Harry Leslie Smith (@Harryslaststand) November 19, 2018
On this #InternationalMensDay a shout-out to all the men out there who live up to the name: men in care and compassion, men in understanding and diligence, men in humility and service. Glad I know several such men. Thank you for making our world a better, happier place for all.
— Remi Sonaiya (@oluremisonaiya) November 19, 2018
However, such invitations still seem to irk some who think that the exploration of mental health is a signal that masculinity is under siege, implying the end of men themselves.
Happy #InternationalMensDay! Stay strong lads, we’re not illegal – yet. 👊
— Piers Morgan (@piersmorgan) November 19, 2018
Yeah—but when is it International Women's day? #InternationalMensDay
— Dan Ilić (@danilic) November 18, 2018
– Masculinity is not toxic
– Your penis is perfectly fine
– Fancying women isn’t sexist
– Nor is enjoying pornography
– Criticising feminism isn’t misogyny
– Being a soy boy won’t get you laid
— Peter Lloyd (@Suffragentleman) November 19, 2018
Men getting defensive in my mentions about the negative effects of the patriarchy ON MEN that I've decided to highlight for #InternationalMensDay is Peak Toxic Masculinity.
— Alicia Lutes (@alicialutes) November 19, 2018
So tired of women on #InternationalMensDay lecturing us that 'if we only gave up "toxic masculinity" and became more like women, all our problems would be solved'.
We'll make our own decisions about our future, thank you very much. https://t.co/dDcNceQ7tk
— Geoffrey Miller (@primalpoly) November 19, 2018
And some are at least trying to embrace the sentiment, but are still enforcing negative messaging about men needing to “tough it out” and “man up.”
Don’t fucking kill yourself, lads. You can be strong, silent, and tough it out as long as you'd like but if you ever need to talk to someone, please man up and open up. No one is going to think less of you for it and if they do, they’re a dipshit. #InternationalMensDay
— Thomas ‘TomSka’ Ridgewell (@thetomska) November 19, 2018
Others, however, aren’t taking the day seriously at all, as if it’s better to crack a joke than check in on men’s mental health.
— Arjun Bijlani (@Thearjunbijlani) November 19, 2018
This is an obligatory #InternationalMensDay tweet:
Everyday is Men's Day. Except for that one day when it's Woman's Day.
— Meghnad (@Memeghnad) November 19, 2018
— Ricky Gervais (@rickygervais) November 19, 2018
Contrary to what critics of feminism think feminists say about masculinity, masculinity isn’t inherently negative. However, the upholding of values such as dominance, aggression, and control is what makes masculinity toxic. When men don’t feel they can be themselves and can exhibit traditionally “feminine” traits such as empathy, care, and collaboration, and feel forced into a box that requires them to uphold traditional notions of “manhood,” that’s when we run into trouble. It’s a culture that teaches boys from young ages that they must be tough and unemotional, and it hurts everyone involved.
- Republican policies prove they don’t care about mental health
- The delicate balance of disclosing mental illness on social media
- How to be less socially awkward, according to mental health professionals
For all my glass-jawed bros upset by the headline (I didn’t write), here’s a diagram. Let’s agree that being born a man is a pretty good outcome in the genetic lottery. But SOME aspects of masculinity, in SOME blokes, is toxic to them, and those around them.#InternationalMensDay pic.twitter.com/xxIHEwnphh
— Dr Darren Saunders (@whereisdaz) November 19, 2018
— Let Toys Be Toys (@LetToysBeToys) November 19, 2018
Perhaps, more people can take this Twitter advice and check in with the ways in which they’ve rejected toxic masculinity, too.
In school I was told ‘Flowers are for girls’.
Thank God I never listened.#InternationalMensDay
— James Wong (@Botanygeek) November 19, 2018
Samantha Grasso is a former IRL staff writer for the Daily Dot with a reporting emphasis on immigration. Her work has appeared on Los Angeles Magazine, Death And Taxes, Revelist, Texts From Last Night, Austin Monthly, and she has previously contributed to Texas Monthly.