- Instagram included in Facebook transparency report for the first time 4 Years Ago
- PayPal pulls out of Pornhub, leaving sex workers to consider cryptocurrency 4 Years Ago
- Billionaires are resorting to making racist jokes against Warren now 4 Years Ago
- What is the meme of the decade? Today 1:07 PM
- At least 5 employees resign from GitHub, citing ICE contract Today 12:57 PM
- The ‘Sonic the Hedgehog’ redesign was led by a ‘Sonic’ artist Today 12:17 PM
- The 16-inch MacBook Pro is a beast, and it has a decent keyboard Today 11:24 AM
- This group is scanning thousands of faces in Congress today to protest facial recognition Today 11:09 AM
- Why is everyone debating Pete Buttigieg’s Medicare for All stance? Today 10:47 AM
- The Motorola Razr is a foldable homage to millennial nostalgia Today 10:22 AM
- The ‘I’m baby’ meme gets much more literal on TikTok Today 10:20 AM
- MrDeadMoth avoids jail time for assaulting pregnant partner during live stream Today 9:21 AM
- Deval Patrick 2020 fever is not catching on Today 9:08 AM
- How to stream Steelers vs. Browns on Thursday Night Football Today 8:13 AM
- How to stream Mexico vs. Netherlands in the U-17 World Cup semis Today 6:46 AM
Happy National Masturbation Month! To celebrate, Goop has supplied us with a list of their favorite sex toys, some to be used alone, some to be used in tandem, but in the grand Goop tradition, all mindbogglingly more expensive than you would regularly pay for a dildo. But then again, what else would you expect from Goop?
Honestly, it’s not a bad idea to invest in a good sex toy. It’s immeasurably preferable than buying them used on Craigslist. But for those of us out of Goop’s targeted tax bracket, here’s what you can get for the price of their most outlandish suggestions.
1) Weapons of Mass Seduction, Free
Well, not exactly free, since presumably you need to pay for the paper and ink needed to print out the cards (and the printer), but other than that, this is the cheapest option. Still, for the price of this card game, you could just have sex right now.
Photo via keso/Flickr
2) Crave Duet Lux 8GB, $219
This sex toy is plated in 24k gold, features 8GB of USB storage, and can be engraved. You know what that sounds like? An iPod Touch, which’ll set you back just $199 for the 16GB one.
Photo via Sean Choe/Flickr
This discreet necklace doubles as nipple clamps, because obviously those trinkets needed to be a two-in-one. Or you could get into some Ted Cruz-honeymoon cosplay and buy 316 cans of Cream of Mushroom soup on Amazon.
Photo via kfergos/Flickr
For the price of one black-and-gold whip, you can buy yourself: One Indiana Jones novelty whip ($6.46), 1 DVD of the hit film Whip It ($17.98), 1 case of 600 whip cream chargers ($199), 1 30 oz. jar of Miracle Whip ($2.99), and about 20 bottles of Perfect Whip face wash.
Photo via theimpulsivebuy/Flickr
5) LELO Inez, 24 kt gold sex toy, $15,000
Yup, you read right. $15,000. For that, take your pick of some of the crazier things out of the Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. The aquatic gymnasium? The world’s loudest ping pong table? Whatever a “Cold War Doppelfernrohr” is?
Photo via Old Shoe Woman/Flickr
Can’t wait to see what Goop does for Shameless Promotion Month.
Jaya Saxena is a lifestyle writer and editor whose work focuses primarily on women's issues and web culture. Her writing has appeared in GQ, ELLE, the Toast, the New Yorker, Tthe Hairpin, BuzzFeed, Racked, Eater, Catapult, and others. She is the co-author of 'Dad Magazine,' the author of 'The Book Of Lost Recipes,' and the co-author of 'Basic Witches.'