Warning: This story will make you want to vomit.
This story contains sexually explicit language that may be NSFW.
To most fraternities and sororities, community outreach usually entails tutoring inner-city school children, volunteering at a soup kitchen, or spending a few Saturdays at an old age home. To the upstanding lads in the Sigma Chi chapter at the College of William and Mary, community outreach involves “[f**ing] two moist sponges in a Solo cup.”
That’s one of many choice phrases from a leaked email promoting a “Save the Sluts” campaign, which urges frat brethren to spend their spring semesters ignoring “the 99% of horrendously illogical bullshit that makes up the modern woman” and “consider only the 1%, the snatch.”
Though its exact origins are unclear, the email was sent by a Sigma Chi brother over the Zeta Upsilon chapter listserv. It describes women and the female genitalia in explicit and outrageously misogynistic terms, referring to women as members of “the lesser sex” who are merely “sluts to fuck.”
“I’m losing sleep at night thinking of all the pussies crying out for a good fuck and not getting it, so I’m reaching out to you all in a time of need to initiate my community outreach program: Save the Sluts,” the author writes. “Don’t let this beautiful opportunity go to waste. Seize the moment, stuff the box, and put the neglected pussies that haunt my dreams to rest.”
(We all agree that this person has never had sex before in his life, right? OK, cool.)
When Huffington Post Chicago reached out to Zeta Upsilon for comment, the consul noted that the original author of the email had been suspended and issued the following statement: “We deeply regret the message that was sent through our listserv encouraging actions that are inconsistent with our values as Sigma Chis. The message was disrespectful toward women, and that is not who we are as a chapter.”
Frat bros at a Southern university being disrespectful to women? Who’d a thunk it?
If you haven’t gotten your daily dose of sexual frustration-fueled misogyny today, the full email is printed below.
Subject: Life, love, and pussy
Guys, I just want to put out an early semester reminder that life is good. You’re here, you’re alive, your penis may not always work, but it hasn’t fallen off yet; be thankful. I ask you all to take a few seconds off from complaining about the cold, or preparing your schedule for Spring 2016, and look around you. There’s beer to be drunk, porn to view, and sluts to fuck. Let me reiterate that last point: sluts are everywhere. While walking from class to class with your head down limiting exposure to the arctic winds of late, take notice of the feet shuffling by. See some riding boots? Some uggs? A hideous pair of rain boots without a cloud in sight? Now, raise your gaze from the footwear up, allow your eyes to wander from the feet up the long and slender legs of the lesser sex until finally you arrive at God’s greatest gift: the box.
Now stop. Take it all in, breath deep, imagine what kind of underwear she’s wearing, even entertain the idea she may not be wearing any at all, but stare as long as you please, they don’t mind.
Now refocus. That vagina needs you. Never mind the extremities that surround it, the 99% of horrendously illogical bullshit that makes up the modern woman, consider only the 1%, the snatch. Empires have risen and fallen at the hands of the female genitalia. It has made many men, and crushed countless more. Don’t allow yourself to fall victim, don’t be another statistic. Master your craft, hone your skills, and perfect your stroke. Put two moist sponges in a solo cup and fuck that until you get it right if you have to, but do not settle until you’ve done just that: gotten it right. I can’t do this alone boys. I’m losing sleep at night thinking of all the pussies crying out for a good fuck and not getting it, so I’m reaching out to you all in a time of need to initiate my community outreach program: Save the Sluts. Don’t let this beautiful opportunity go to waste.
Seize the moment, stuff the box, and put the neglected pussies that haunt my dreams to rest.
Thank you all, and good luck.