Love is a battlefield, but anyone with access to the Internet can purchase the necessary weapons and armor. Whether you need to cure a broken heart, make someone jealous, or just ease your own loneliness, an online marketplace called Fiverr can help out for $5, the price of a latte.
While many of the services offered on Fiverr are strictly professional — just a few examples are proofreading, file conversion, voiceovers, pet models, or human billboards — some users offer services of a more personal nature.
Here are a few handy ways to utilize Fiverr’s services to outsource your many relationship needs:
No judgment here. If jealousy is what you’re looking for, there are a number of Fiverr users who are willing to oblige with a range of jealousy-inducing services. Some users will post sweet comments on your Facebook page to make it seem like the seller is your significant other, while others will even change their official status to “in a relationship” with you for a finite amount of time.
If you want to take it a step further, you can select a package to perpetuate the illusion IRL. Some sellers offer Snapchat, texting or phone services that allow the customer to select a time frame to be contacted when they know the person they want to make jealous with be around. A simple $5 investment and a well-timed call will ensure people know you’re in demand!
Maybe you’re in the doghouse. Maybe you’re just not good with words. Worry no more: Now someone else can write your love poems for you.
Fiverr sellers who can think of more ways to say “you’re amazing, please don’t leave me” without desperately searching thesaurus.com will take your thoughts and transform them into beautifully written love notes or poems fit for the object of your affection.
Charles Silberman is one such Fiverr seller. As an experienced poet, he now uses his abilities to help those in romantic need. He said his clients (who are exclusively male) explain their romantic issues to him and he responds with a poetic solution.
“They either got in a fight with their partner, are going through a divorce, or just want to express gratitude,” Silberman told the Daily Dot. “I personalize it by prompting the user to provide me all the details they are comfortable sharing about their situation and loved one.”
Silberman then writes a poem in response to the way the customer expressed his feelings, going back and forth a few times with different drafts to make sure he got it just right. He added that he doesn’t find his services to be misleading to the recipient of the poem—as long as the customer is upfront about the process.
You can also use the powers of Fiverr for evil.
Concerned bae may be cheating, or is maybe just thinking about it? Don’t worry. Others have thought of this before and come up with the perfect solution: entrapment. If you’re willing to set aside any moral qualms about lying and deception, there are Fiverr sellers dedicated to helping you catch your sweetheart in the act.
The plan is simple: You tell the seller exactly what you want him to say to your girlfriend or boyfriend. The seller obliges, then takes screen shots and sends them back to you. Typically, this communication involves a certain amount of flirtation, and at least the appearance of the possibility for something more. It’s your own personal relationship ninja. The only thing a customer has to figure out is what to do with the information once it’s received.
For those who don’t know what an “Invisible Boyfriend” is, here’s the recap: It’s an online service that lets users create their ideal significant other, detailed down to the way they met and his exact personality. The person at the other end will text the user and even leave voicemails in the personality of this self-constructed digital sweetheart.
Fiverr sellers offer something similar for much less than Invisible Boyfriend’s $25 monthly fee. The process is also slightly different: Most only offer their faux affection for the span of a few days per gig and many of these sellers say they prefer to act in their normal personality. None of these sellers explicitly offer sexual services, which would violate Fiverr’s terms of services.
One seller who goes by the screen name Yaad Honey said she requires customers to contact her before the gig begins so she can lay out some ground rules and make sure both sides fully understand what is going to happen.
“Mostly they send me a message to see how far I’m willing to go and what exactly my extra packages entail,” she told the Daily Dot. “And once we agree on a limit, and I say I’m not going to go past that, they can decide if they want to hire me or go somewhere else.”
Yaad Honey would not specify what her limit is, but explained that most of her clients just want someone to talk to about their day and feel as though someone is interested.
“I’m just being a girlfriend—it’s kind of like a long-distance relationship,” she said. “I’m just checking in with them saying ‘I miss you’ or ‘I love you,’ just like a real life girlfriend. That’s at least how I picture it.”
What about when it’s over? Does the end of a relationship hurt less when a break-up date was established before the flirtation even began? Fortunately, Fiverr users don’t really have to find out. Yaad said most of her clients are repeat customers and they keep coming back for more. And at only $5, at least it’s a cheap date.
Photo via Kat Vitulano Photos/Flickr