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These ‘d*ck appointment’ YouTube makeup tutorials are what you need for the holidays
Makeup and sexual health tips in one video? Yes, please.
In the heat of the moment, while getting it good from your partner, perhaps the last thing you’re thinking about is how you look. But it always comes back to haunt you when you finally arise from bed, determined to pee and avoid a UTI, and you catch a glimpse of your faded, patchy lipstick and smeared highlighter.
Thank god, beauty vloggers have been chronicling their own solutions to “post dick appointment makeup emergencies,” publishing videos of makeup tutorials, aka clips of themselves getting ready to get nasty with that special someone.
got a dick appointment tuesday (literally haven't hooked up in 4 years) and I'm watching "Dick Appointment Makeup Tutorials" taking notes atm wish me luck 👍🏻
— baddie B ibara (@rottedtwink) November 26, 2018
My new favorite pastime is watching dick appointment makeup tutorials 😌
— Mia Jones (@duchesss_samia) November 28, 2018
Just a quick search of “dick appointment makeup tutorial” on YouTube reveals there’s no shortage of explainers on how to create a simple but semi-permanent look that will resist the wear and tear of lovemaking. And while your own “dick appointment” may have no dick in sight, these videos at least provide a helpful guide for keeping your eye makeup in place as you get busy.
According to Mashable, the video genre popularized earlier this month after “men’s rights” activist Roosh V complained about such videos on Twitter. Much to his dissatisfaction, not everyone was as excited to slut shame beauty YouTubers for the benefit of right-wing vloggers as he was.
Some tutorials are less involved, evoking the “get ready with me” style of video with shorter explanations and less analysis of the products—perfect for when you find yourself penciling in a last-minute appointment.
Others go through the whole process and explain a designated look, such as YouTuber Sarah Cheung’s “Hollywood glam meets dick appointment” Valentine’s night face.
And some really go there, taking a leap beyond the makeup tutorial and giving pre-coital viewers a step-by-step guide for preparing for the whole appointment, from cleaning your living space, to showering, to setting your makeup.
As Mashable also points out, these YouTube tutorials aren’t just helpful for getting your makeup together, but your sexual health, too. However, you’ll probably want to check over some of these pointers with health professionals before following through on such YouTuber advice—because when it comes to scheduling dick appointments, safety is key.
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Samantha Grasso is a former IRL staff writer for the Daily Dot with a reporting emphasis on immigration. Her work has appeared on Los Angeles Magazine, Death And Taxes, Revelist, Texts From Last Night, Austin Monthly, and she has previously contributed to Texas Monthly.