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Call your mom. Get out all your old toys. Then get ready to be very disappointed.
Warning: This story contains material that may be NSFW.
If you are a gentleman who came of age around the early ’90s, you probably have about a zillion Legos, Lincoln Logs, K’Nex, and other assorted tchotchkes stored in your parents’ attic right now.
Call your mom. Get them out. Then get ready to be very disappointed.
Last week, adult performer and 2014’s XBiz Most Promising New Starlet award winner Christy Mack (NSFW) tweeted the following proposition:
The response on Twitter was enthusiastic, to say the least. Millions of plastic blocks all clicked together in concert:
— Adam Schafer™ (@AdamSchafer36) January 23, 2014
Christy Mack Lego competition… pic.twitter.com/7q5j53nvbJ
— Mitch Butler (@mitchywbutler) January 27, 2014
@ChristyMack I’m building you a replica of my vagina as we speak. 😜
— Alektra Blue (@clubalektrablue) January 24, 2014
— Robert Kerr (@Rob_bigsexy) January 28, 2014
After Mack set the submission deadline for March 1, the entries started rolling in. Some, clearly, were the result of cursory Google Image searches:
— James Dixon (@JamesDxn) January 24, 2014
— Tommy Rock (@blueberets) January 27, 2014
While others actually seemed legit:
— Greg Jordan (@gregjordan38) January 24, 2014
— Sales Guy (@stoolsalesguy) January 26, 2014
And this guy clearly thought he could score points for cleverness over artistry (judging by Mack’s reply, he might actually have been right):
— Christy Mack (@ChristyMack) January 26, 2014
One enterprising architect even recorded a theme song for the challenge and put it on YouTube:
Unfortunately for Mack’s fans, and toy store proprietors nationwide (who must’ve been really, really confused by the onslaught of adults depleting their Lego stock), the Lego challenge drew to an abrupt close yesterday evening. The starlet tweeted that lawyers for the company had contacted her, objecting to her usage of the Lego name:
The bj competition is off due to lawyers not liking my twitter content. I think it’s because they didn’t win the competition.
— Christy Mack (@ChristyMack) January 28, 2014
Still, it’s not like Mack’s efforts were for naught: she tweeted that she received “over 100 legitimate submissions, and well over 500 shit ones.” We’ve reached out to Mack to see if she’d like to share her favorites, and will update if we get a response from her.
And even if the Great Twitter Blowjob Lego Competition of 2014, not to mention its entrants, never quite reached its natural climax, we’ll always have this gem of a soundbite from Mack to remember it by:
Dibs on putting this on my tombstone, y’all.
Photo via Michael Dorausch/Flickr
EJ Dickson is a writer and editor who primarily covers sex, dating, and relationships, with a special focus on the intersection of intimacy and technology. She served as the Daily Dot’s IRL editor from January 2014 to July 2015. Her work has since appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Mic, Bustle, Romper, and Men’s Health.