God bless every last one of these beautiful weirdos.
There’s something for everyone on the Internet. Amazon’s erotic ebooks are, perhaps, the best example of that credo. Sure, erotica of just about every stripe has existed forever, but thanks to the wonderful world of self-publishing, not only can writers pen these works, they can also make a living off their original tales.
From were-creatures to kinky dinosaurs, you can find it all. But some authors have cornered the market on specific sexual tropes. While you can never truly catalog the depths of Amazon’s ocean of niche erotica, we rounded up five of our favorite writers as a start.
1) Chuck Tingle
Tingle rose to fame with his dino erotica series, penning such masterpieces as Gay T-Rex Law Firm: Executive Boner and My Billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass. But Tingle’s oeuvre stretches far and wide, from bigfoots to unicorns to a whole series of “living object” erotica, featuring a “vampire bus” and “gay donuts.”
In recent weeks Tingle’s gotten more meta, with titles like Angry Man Pounded By The Fear Of His Latent Gayness Over A Dinosaur Transitioning Into A Unicorn and Lonely Author Pounded By Dinosaur Social Media Followers. Tingle is honestly a genre all to himself, and you can’t be a self-respecting Amazon niche erotica aficionado without dipping your toe in his waters.
Story Count: 39
Standout Line: “Oliver shakes his head in mock disappointment. “What are we going to do with you? Such a nasty little human twink, you need a real dinosaur to show you how to fuck.”
2) Lacey Noonan
Noonan is best known as the author of A Gronking To Remember, the erotic tale of one woman’s love for Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski, as well as its sequel, A Gronking To Remember 2: Chad Goes Deep In The Neutral Zone. The books gained national attention, prompting reporters to ask Gronk himself about the story during press conferences. In addition to the sports fantasies, Noonan’s writing is all over the map, from standard lesbian erotica to BDSM to Sasquatch fiction (sample title: I Don’t Care If My Best Friend’s Mom Is a Sasquatch, She’s Hot and I’m Taking a Shower With Her).
Story Count: 12
Standout Line: “I tickled my clit, pinched lightly up and down my lovely lady folds like I was making a pizza crust (Papa Gino’s, not Papa John’s).”
Delaney’s first two erotic novels, Motherfucking Wizards and Sex Boat, were duds. Then the author latched on to more non-traditional topics. He began a “digital desires” series, featuring objects such as Tetris blocks, Clippy from Microsoft Word, and even the iWatch as his subjects. Clippy is his current biggest success, but Delaney is making a play for trending topics now. His most recent ebook, Humping the Hambandit, is a reaction to McDonald’s newly reintroduced hot Hamburglar character.
Story Count: 8
Standout Line: “She smiled with one side of her mouth, then got on her knees. Unlike an actual paperclip, the end of his coiled body was rounded, and it felt smooth in her mouth. As she lapped and sucked and tongued at it, it became even redder and hotter. Her own human body part (vagina) felt hot too.”
4) Celia Kyle
Kyle is the most prolific of the niche erotica authors, with 58 stories to her name. Her bread and butter is shapeshifter romance, featuring mystical creatures like bears and lions. But of course, it’s the more out-there shapeshifter tales that have caught the Internet’s eye, such as this hedgehog tale Kyle co-wrote with Mina Carter.
Hedging His Bets follows a leather-wearing man who’s embarrassed that his shapeshifter form is an adorable hedgehog. He plots to be rescued by the woman he loves by posing as a hurt hedgehog. The tale has shape-shifted its way into fans’ hearts, as her numerous positive reviews attest.
Story Count: 58
Standout Line: “Despite being only pounds in his hedgie form, he was all male baby. His beast side, his hedgie, clamored at him to drive his cock deep.”
Wade made her name in the erotic Bigfoot game, with multiple volumes of her Cum For Bigfoot series, which chronicles several years of the lives of a tribe of Bigfoots (there’s more than one, apparently) and their lovers. She’s since branched out, eroticizing Jane Austen novels and going historical with Vikings and Gladiators.
But the Bigfoot tales have been the cornerstone of Wade’s erotica empire. In fact, in 2013 Wade told Business Insider that during her best months of sales, she netted $30,000; on her worst, the stories made $6,000. Not bad for some dirty stories about kinky sasquatches.
Story Count: 39
Standout Line “‘It’s fucking Bigfoot,’ hissed Shelly. ‘He’s real, for fuck’s sake.’ Horror filled her eyes. ‘With a huge cock.’”
Photo via Katie Bordner/Flickr (CC BY 2.0)/Remix by Jason Reed
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