With VirtuaGirl, you can bring the gentleman’s club to your desktop

The one drawback: You can't make it rain on these lovely ladies. 

 

EJ Dickson

Tech

Published Mar 31, 2014   Updated May 31, 2021, 1:29 pm CDT

Are you in the mood to see an Eastern European aspiring medical technician’s yabboes, but too lazy and poor to go to a strip club IRL? Then you should probably check out VirtuaGirl (NSFW), a website that allows you to watch a tiny naked lady grope herself and hump your desktop icons in the corner of your screen, while you check your email and take Buzzfeed quizzes and Skype with your grandma.

Founded by “two young and sex-addicted engineers” looking to pay a stripper to travel to their home, VirtuaGirl is a “personal virtual stripclub” for your desktop, Nerve reports. Basically, here’s how it works: You download VirtuaGirl’s software (I was too scared to do it myself), pay a few bucks for “credits,” and head to the VirtuaGirl store, where you can select from more than 1,500 exotic dancers (some of whom you might recognize as mid-level professional adult performers, if you spend a lot of time surfing Pornhub and its ilk).


After you purchase a show from the performer of your choice, she’ll dance sexily for you in the corner of your screen. Unlike a cam show or a vid chat with an adult performer, the show is not interactive, so you can’t control what your performer does, nor does she even speak at any point; it’s a bit like watching porn GIFs on Tumblr on a loop. But the video is long (a half an hour to 45 minutes) and fairly high-quality, so it’ll most likely serve its purposes, if you know what I’m saying. (I’m talking about masturbation. That’s what I’m saying. In the event that that was… unclear).

VirtuaGirl has been around for 15 years, so obviously the technology behind it is somewhat dated. It also begs the question: In an age of interactive adult services, where camgirls and escorts and Skype sessions with your favorite adult performer can be purchased at the click of a button, is there any reason for porn buffs to watch a naked Baltic lady tweak her nipples on their desktop for 30 minutes? We’re not sure if there is, but after watching VirtuaGirl for a few minutes, there is one function the app serves: If you suffer from insomnia, watching an attractive woman lifelessly shimmy in front of you for a few minutes has a hypnotic, almost soporific effect.

H/T Nerve | Screengrab via VirtuaGirl

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*First Published: Mar 31, 2014, 5:42 pm CDT