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This Fleshlight device will let you literally have sex with an iPad
And you thought Joaquin Phoenix getting it on with his OS was weird.
Since the movie Her came out, we’ve become increasingly conscious of our intense, near-fetishistic relationship with our mobile devices. So it’s inevitable that someone would come out with a product that allows you to literally have sex with them.
Introducing the LaunchPAD (NSFW), a detachable masturbation sleeve that straps on your iPad and lets you do naughty, naughty things to it. Let us now take a minute to marvel at human ingenuity and its interminable bounty. (In other news, mankind has yet to come up with a cure for the common cold).
LaunchPAD is the brainchild of Fleshlight, the male sex toy company that creates lifelike masturbation sleeves in the shape of a flashlight. The press release for LaunchPAD says the device is “enabling the user to enjoy the full Fleshlight experience while enjoying content or communicating live with a friend via applications like Facetime or Skype. Translation, in non-PR speak: “OMIGOD YOU GUYS WE TOTALLY MADE A THING THAT WILL LET YOU BONE YOUR IPAD.”
Here’s a quick, shockingly semi-SFW video to show you how it works:
The concept for “various pre-recorded multimedia (photograph, video or animation) designed specifically for the tablet-penis interface” has been in development for quite some time. But the world apparently wasn’t ready for an iPad with a detachable, anatomically incorrect vagina until this week’s release.
All you have to do is strap it to your mobile device using a Velcro strap, turn on your favorite POV porn clip, and start humping away, and you’ll feel exactly like you’re having sex with your favorite adult film star. (Or you’ll feel like you’re frantically copulating with a rubber tube on your iPad while your favorite porn star looks on judgmentally—either one).
Aside from people who actually want to have sex with their favorite Apple products—it’s a thing, kinda—what, exactly, is the target audience for the LaunchPAD? Daniel Pacheco, the marketing manager for Fleshlight, says it’s to create a more naturalistic masturbation experience for the growing number of people—more than 50 percent, according to company data—who prefer jerkin’ it to their mobile devices, rather than on their desktop computers.
“Tablet devices have allowed for porn consumption to become ‘mobile’ and more convenient for viewers to watch their favorite content,” Pacheco wrote in an email to the Daily Dot. “Coupled with our Fleshlight LaunchPAD, they’re set for a pleasurable time!” The LaunchPAD is also targeted at couples who enjoy partaking in steamy Skype sessions on their iPads, with the device allowing couples “to be intimate—even if they’re miles apart.”
Although Pacheco says the LaunchPAD can be used for other mobile tablets, from the clip on the site it seems like it’s primarily geared at iPad owners. (The company also has yet to develop a dildo version for women, much to this female-bodied author’s chagrin). Given Apple’s notorious aversion to even remotely sexual content, it’s unclear how they feel about customers giving their $500 product the ol’ middle-school-boy-tube-sock treatment. But Fleshlight doesn’t seem that concerned about Apple’s reaction to the device.
“Although Apple doesn’t allow adult content in their App Store and generally frowns upon pornography, there are so many venues that offer iPad-compatible content that you can view from your Apple devices,” Pacheco wrote.
“The Fleshlight LaunchPAD is not limited to just iPad devices—it can also be used with other tablets. We noticed that individuals were watching porn from their devices so this product is a perfect accessory to really dive into the adult content.”
So go ahead, folks. Dive in. But if you do end up using the LaunchPAD, just make sure you take it off before your 4-year-old cousin comes over and asks if he can play Fruit Ninja.
EJ Dickson is a writer and editor who primarily covers sex, dating, and relationships, with a special focus on the intersection of intimacy and technology. She served as the Daily Dot’s IRL editor from January 2014 to July 2015. Her work has since appeared in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Mic, Bustle, Romper, and Men’s Health.