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Giving up self-pleasure for Lent? Channel your desires here.
This article contains sexually explicit material.
In a world where there are social networks for farting, smartphone companies are still resistant to the idea of a jokey masturbation app. Last year, for instance, the Apple Store nixed Happy Playtime, the female masturbation app featuring an anthropomorphized clitoris.
This year, just in time for the holy days, blogs are resurrecting FapFapp, an app released last year to help you “stop wanking for Lent.” The app is essentially a way to “practice” masturbation: You shake the pink screen until your levels fill up, and you get tired enough to stop.
FapFapp was designed and coded by Jonas Zamora, a Web designer based in Barcelona. Although the U.K. blog the Debrief wrote that the app is intended to teach users to “abstain from wanking” for Lent, Zamora said the app has no religious associations whatsoever. “I prefer to keep my mind as far as possible from religion,” he told the Daily Dot via email.
The app actually has much more sophomoric beginnings. A friend joked to Zamora about an app that would be like a masturbation competition and Zamora made his wish come true. But FapFapp had an unexpected bonus feature, in that it doubled as a small workout tool. Zamora said he suffered some pain while testing and programming the app for Android, because he only had a large Android tablet to try it out with.
After perfecting his product, Zamora first tried to get the app into the Apple App Store and Google Play, but he was turned down from both stores because of the app’s suggestive nature. (You can still download FapFapp as an unofficial Android installation.)
“Just take a look in the stores and you will see more explicit apps than ours. Also, the app was tagged correctly to [18-plus],” he said.
“Mature” apps are actually pretty hard to come by in the App Store. Searches for “jerk,” “wank,” and “shake” in the App Store did not turn up any apps anywhere nearly as suggestive as FapFapp. Steve Jobs famously declared that Apple aimed to give their users a world that was “free of porn” and Apple’s censoring process is notoriously difictult to get past.
So Zamora did what any anti-religious man scorned by tech giants would do—he make a sacrilegious parody called Holy Water. It’s the same app, only the pink, fleshy interface is replaced with a bottle of holy water that fills up to the top. It’s only available on Google Play right now, but if you’re an Android owner who observes Lent, it will keep you content on all of those fish-dinner Fridays.
H/T The Debrief | Photo by Quinn Dombrowski/Flickr (CC BY SA 2.0)
Myles Tanzer is a former contributor to the Daily Dot with an emphasis on technology and viral news. He is currently the Fader's news editor, having previously written and edited for Vogue, BuzzFeed, and Gawker.