This article contains sexually explicit material.
The advent of cheap, accessible 3D-printing technology has got everyone excited about its enormous live-saving potential, from its applications in medicine to building limbs for amputees to making food for the elderly and infirm. Some dudes, however, just wanna use it to print out giant, veiny models of their own dicks.
According to the Independent, guys have already started using the Scanify handheld 3D scanner to print out large-scale models of their own members, in spite of the fact that Scanify is actually intended for the purpose of taking 3D selfies. That’s right, ladies: If you liked getting unsolicited dick pics on Tinder, then you’ll love getting them in 3D.
Some of the more exhibitionistic penis-pic takers are posting the results on Sketchfab, a database for 3D files. We can’t post uncensored versions of these images. So let’s just say that, much like phalli found in nature, they range from impressively girthy to somewhat underwhelming, to say the least.
This one is called “Walking Penis.” (Editor’s note: We fact-checked this; penises do not actually walk. We apologize if any of our readers have been misled.)
While some, like Jezebel’s Mark Shrayber, are speculating that 3D-printed dick pics are the harbinger of a 3D-printing sexting trend, it remains to be seen if techies will actually be willing to cough up $1,490, the Scanify’s current price, just for the ability to print out a 12-inch version of their own dongs. (I mean, I guess you could find some household use for it; you could, for instance, cut a hole in it and make a lovely vase. But still, not much functionality there.)
That said, if 3D-printed dick pics actually become a thing, it’s up to us ladies to even out the playing field and get in on the trend. Get ready to start receiving 3D-printed vulva Christmas cards in 2015!