unfollow twitter

The unfollow bug is stupid and pointless. When’s it going to get a parody account?

We love the Internet. Except when we hate it. Every week, Jordan Valinsky bottles the angst of his Millennial generation and finds something to despise about the Web.

Without Madonna to badger on Twitter anymore, the Twitterati needs something banal to freak out about so let’s shift our eyes toward the “unfollow bug.”

Eyes shifted yet? Good. So! The Twitter bug, which randomly unfollows people (sans your consent) that you thought you were following, is annoying. But not as annoying as some of the think pieces (or worse a Mashable video) the Internet has spewed since Twitter’s 234-character admission that there is a problem, and they’re totally on it.

The bug, which apparently just can’t be swatted, has been happening since January. But as TechCrunch breathlessly rambled on Wednesday, this is the worst thing to ever happen because Twitter is really important.

“It causes us to give pause and question the stability of the Twitter infrastructure, usage of my personal data and social network, and what important messages I may have missed from my trusted Twitter network,” wrote TechCrunch’s Jeremiah Owyang as tears streamed down his face.

Also annoyed were the Twitter victims, and this kicked many of them into a tizzy as they tweeted their animosity while discovering fun, new adjectives along the way.

“the Unfollow bug is wicked annoying,” tweeted @MellyFresh23 while @AaronCampeau phrased it a bit more aggressively and called it “MASSIVELY annoying.” The capital letters are a nice touch because it signifies that Aaron is extra annoyed and isn’t playing around.

But others dealt with it with the only, Hater-approved way they know—with sass and disdain.

“twitter unfollow bug was annoying. I had to re-follow my favorite scifi actresses. suprised by my tastes internet? don’t im not original,” tweeted @wwcosplayphoto. There’s a lot going on in that tweet so I won’t judge, and your self-hate frightens me a bit.

However, @chrisdancy out-zinged all of Twitter with this two-liner: “I also have an unfollow bug. Tweet crap and I unfollow.” Get this man a book deal or at least a writing job at Jay Leno—good stuff.

Beyond these dumb tweets, I kind of love the allegedly unintentional trolling from Twitter. I bet this is payback from Jack Dorsey and crew for all the complaining about the fail whale or for encouraging Justin Bieber to keep tweeting. And it gives you a good excuse when you not-so-slyly unfollow someone but get caught, and they call you out.

And does it actually matter what if you miss a few tweets? It’ll be just like 2005 when you were reading zero tweets a day. Your friends aren’t saying anything important, and the Huffington Post will still tweet about Selena Gomez’s boobs, regardless of whether you follow them or not.

So, Twitter victims, let’s hold hands together, say a non-denominational prayer and move on. This bug doesn’t matter and your tweets complaining about it is worse than the actual bug. Aren’t we still pissed at that KONY 2012 guy anyway?

Photo by John Haydon

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