So over you

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your boyfriends, but you can’t pick your ex-boyfriend’s friends.

Beth Cook is a dating coach and wing-woman who throws private dating events for San Francisco’s most awesome and unattached. She also writes and draws about her own dating experiences and would love to hear from you. Want advice? Have advice? Send her an email.

My sister got an outrageous email this week. The note, from a female acquaintance, politely requested that my sis and a dozen other recipients unfriend her freshly titled ex-boyfriend on Facebook. “It’s hard for me to get distance due to the connections between you and him,” she wrote.

Wowzers. This is a new level of control-freak.

In this day and age, within minutes of a breakup, young men and women around the globe bolt to their computers and try their best to eliminate every trace of the relationship that once was—eliminating Facebook photos and wall posts (formerly cute, now gag-worthy), changing their relationship status, unfriending en masse, and swapping their cute “I’m taken” profile pic to one that screams, “I’m H-O-T-T and available (easy).”

If only I were still enrolled in my college “Anthropology of the Internet” class! I would write my final paper on the digital detritus of relationships. Sadly, when I was a student, social media hadn’t been invented yet.

Speaking of school, I’d like to teach this chick a couple of lessons. For starters, don’t be reckless with the email addresses of your acquaintances—there’s this thing called Bcc!

Secondly, just because you are having trouble dealing with your recent breakup doesn’t mean that you have the right to control the social circles people run in. Breakups are awful; I’m sorry you feel bad. Now, get your head on straight and realize what you are asking people (that you don’t know very well) to do! You don’t get to have a say about who your ex—or anyone else—keeps company with.

Thirdly, you’re making yourself look really bad. You’re putting your worst, most bitter and vengeful foot forward.  If these “connections” are so upsetting, you need to take a Facebook break. You’ve already lost a boyfriend. Start acting less hostile, and you’ll get to keep your friends.

Photo by Unlisted Sightings

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