20 unbelievably weird things you can buy on Amazon

Amazon is where you go for deals, near-instantaneous shipping and to easily restock your family favorites. But, truthfully, Amazon is the host of some pretty weird sh*t. And if that surprises you, then join the club – we’re working on getting jackets.

We have no idea why Amazon would sell this stuff, but a good rule of business is not to sell what people aren’t buying. So in other words, we can only blame ourselves and the oddity of internet culture for perpetuating this seemingly endless episode of “WTF Amazon.”

Weird products on Amazon that you can buy right now

1) Snot mittens–because tissues aren’t environmentally friendly

weird products on amazon Amazon

But what do you do with your hands after you blow snot all over them?

Price: $19.99

BUY ON AMAZON

2) This silicone face slimmer claims to shape and tone your facial muscles????

weird products on amazon Amazon

Bonus effect: You look like some kind of weird fish.

Price: $2.78

BUY ON AMAZON

3) Spruce up your space with an asthmatic granny decal

weird products on amazon Amazon

Her head is life-size.

Price: $44.38

BUY ON AMAZON

4) Beauty Maid Incense Burner

weird products on amazon Amazon

Why is the smoke pouring out of her nipples?

On sale for $18.55 (regularly $21)

BUY ON AMAZON

5) Oopsie?

weird products on amazon Amazon

Technically also an effect you can product for free (if you’re willing to ruin a pair of your pants).

Price: $23.95

BUY ON AMAZON

6) 55 gallons of lube: because it’s always better to be prepared

weird products on amazon Amazon

For people who enjoy anal sex a LOT.

On sale for $1,659.48 (regularly $2,500)

BUY ON AMAZON

7) This unthinkable novel: Crafting With Cat Hair

weird amazon Amazon

This is the crazy cat person manual.

On sale for $6.66 (regularly $14.95) 

BUY ON AMAZON

8) Looking to lose your appetite? Here’s a cookbook full of semen-based recipes!

weird products on amazon Amazon

People have way, way, way too much free time.

Price: $22.49 (regularly $24.99) 

BUY ON AMAZON

9) The most self-explanatory pillow to exist printed using the most pleasing font: Helvetica

weird products on amazon Amazon

Better decor does not exist.

Price: $24

BUY ON AMAZON

10)Putt-putt while you’re making a poop poop

weird amazon products Amazon

Or just read your phone like everyone else.

Price: $11.99

BUY ON AMAZON

11) Who wouldn’t want a replica of body fat to display on their desk?

weird products on amazon Amazon

Now you, too, can own a pound of human fat on a display platter.

Price: $23.10

BUY ON AMAZON

12) Let Jeff watch over your bowel movements always

weird products on amazon Amazon

Bonus: monkey.

Price: $26

BUY ON AMAZON

13) The chosen snack of those online who “are not owned”

weird amazon products Amazon

Whateva, Binch.

Price: $11.50

BUY ON AMAZON

14) Dog toots you can eat!

weird amazon products Amazon

If you hang around the dog long enough, you can also get these for free.

Price: $8.95

BUY ON AMAZON

15) Nothing says “sexy” quite like Vladimir Putin, shirtless, riding a bear

weird products on amazon Amazon

The question is not why, but rather, why not?

Price: $79.90

BUY ON AMAZON

16)Dingding plushies

weird products on amazon Amazon

Clearly the secret to happiness is a family of plush, emotionless dicks.

Price: $3.82+

BUY ON AMAZON

17) Runny nose shower gel dispenser

weird amazon Amazon

Not funny. Just gross.

Price: $10.69

BUY ON AMAZON

18)See you in my dreams, sweet cheeks

weird products on amazon Amazon

You’ll never feel lonely again in the fire of Nick’s piercing gaze.

Price: $5.99

BUY ON AMAZON

19) The phone case you’ve always wanted: a diseased toenail

weird products on amazon Amazon

*vomit*

Price: $24.71

BUY ON AMAZON

20) Take out your stress on a disembodied boob

weird amazon Amazon

No one will slap you for squeezing this one.

Price: $6.99

BUY ON AMAZON

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Marisa Losciale

Marisa Losciale

Marisa Losciale specializes in NSFW culture, audio gear, and photography. A former editorial and photo director for Spoon University at SUNY New Paltz, her work has been featured in the Rockwell Center for American Visual Studies, Post-Trash, the New Paltz Oracle, and the Legislative Gazette.

Jaime Carrillo

Jaime Carrillo

Jaime Carillo is a writer for Pure Nintendo and a plucky YouTube cook. He specializes in writing about console gaming and kitchen gadgets. It comes naturally, considering he's either wielding a massive cleaver or Switch Pro controller at any given point. When he's not cruising through a drive-thru at 2am, he's baking shokupan or whipping up a big pot of Japanese curry. He enjoys retro gaming, geopolitics, and Vic Berger videos.

Colette Bennett

Colette Bennett

Colette Bennett is a writer/editor who specializes in web culture, skincare, and all things geek. Her work has appeared on CNN, HLN, Engadget, Kotaku, Colourlovers, and Continue Magazine. She also writes horror and sci-fi fiction for Corona Books and is at work on her second novel.