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Amazon is where you go for deals, near instantaneous shipping and to easily restock your family favorites. But, truthfully, Amazon is the host of some pretty weird sh*t. And if that surprises you, then join the club – we’re working on getting jackets.
We have no idea why Amazon would sell this stuff, but a good rule of business is not to sell what people aren’t buying. So in other words, we can only blame ourselves and the oddity of internet culture for perpetuating this seemingly endless episode of “WTF Amazon.”
But what do you do with your hands after you blow snot all over them?
Price on Amazon: $19.99
Bonus effect: You look like some kind of weird fish.
Price on Amazon: $1.59
Her head is life size.
Price on Amazon: $42.76
Why is the smoke pouring out of her nipples?
Price on Amazon: $17.99
Technically also an effect you can product for free (if you’re willing to ruin a pair of your pants).
Price on Amazon: $23.95
For people who enjoy anal sex a LOT.
Price on Amazon: $1,450.86
This is the crazy cat person manual.
Price on Amazon: $12.69
People have way, way, way too much free time.
Price on Amazon: $22.49 (regularly $24.99)
Better decor does not exist.
Price on Amazon: $34.00
Or just read your phone like everyone else.
Price on Amazon: $12.99
Now you, too, can own a pound of human fat on a display platter.
Price on Amazon: $23.10
12) Let Jeff watch over your bowel movements always.
Price on Amazon: $16.15
Buy it here
Price on Amazon: $12
If you hang around the dog long enough, you can also get these for free.
Price on Amazon: $11
The question is not why, but rather, why not?
Price on Amazon: $79.99
Clearly the secret to happiness is a family of plush, emotionless dicks.
Price on Amazon: $2.02+
Not funny. Just gross.
Price on Amazon: $10.48
You’ll never feel lonely again in the fire of Nick’s piercing gaze.
Price on Amazon: $9.19
Price on Amazon: $23.92
No one will slap you for squeezing this one.
Price on Amazon: $8.60
MORE BAZAAR DEALS:
- These light up Pikachu slippers are shockingly cozy
- This Bowser puppet is menacing but totally adorbs
- These penguin dryer balls are your secret to soft laundry
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Marisa Losciale specializes in NSFW culture, audio gear, and photography. A former editorial and photo director for Spoon University at SUNY New Paltz, her work has been featured in the Rockwell Center for American Visual Studies, Post-Trash, the New Paltz Oracle, and the Legislative Gazette.
Jaime Carillo is a writer for Pure Nintendo and a plucky YouTube cook. He specializes in writing about console gaming and kitchen gadgets. It comes naturally, considering he's either wielding a massive cleaver or Switch Pro controller at any given point. When he's not cruising through a drive-thru at 2am, he's baking shokupan or whipping up a big pot of Japanese curry. He enjoys retro gaming, geopolitics, and Vic Berger videos.
Colette Bennett is a writer and editor who specializes in geek culture, beauty products, and Amazon deals. Her work has appeared on CNN, HLN, Engadget, Kotaku, Colourlovers, and Continue Magazine. She's also given talks on working in news for CNN's Leadership Unplugged program. Bennett also runs popular Korean beauty blog Chok Chok Beauty and regularly slathers her face in snail slime.