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Gifts so passive-aggressive they could be on the front page of r/MaliciousCompliance
Need Christmas gifts for friends with annoying habits? We can help.
When shopping for Christmas gifts for friends, it’s easy to take their likes and dislikes into consideration. But it would be an oversight to forget about their disgusting, annoying, and just down-right weird habits. After all, the irritating things they do are a key part of what makes them who they are, right? However, as a wise woman once said, “Nothing is so painful to the human mind as a great and sudden change.” So if you’re hoping they’ll reverse all their bad behaviors themselves, you’re a little too optimistic, my friend.
But that doesn’t mean you should write them off as a lost cause, either. Most of the time, all someone needs to change their life is a little support and motivation. So just for you, we’ve assembled the anti-miser’s guide to passive-aggressive Christmas gifts for friends. Listed below you’ll find funny gifts that are destined to change your friends’ most bothersome habits.
Best Christmas gifts for friends with annoying habits
If you’re sick of hearing: “Hey, have you seen my…oh wait, nevermind. Here it is!,” the best Christmas gifts for friends like that is a Tile tracker. Tile trackers are the world’s leading Bluetooth tracker for a reason–they work! And now they’re even smaller (and a whole lot cheaper) thanks to the Tile Mate edition. Simply attach the Tile to your keys, wallet, glasses case, etc., then pair your phone or tablet to the Tile. Bam, you have immediate two-way tracking. Just open the app to find the Tile, or press the tile to find your connected device.
We all know someone who always wants a picture. Which is totally fine, there’s nothing wrong with capturing a few memories (or entertaining some self-love). But when you make the entire group wait for you to take 50 selfies that, no offense, ALL LOOK THE SAME, frustration can run rampant. Enter the selfie studio, a 2-in-1 cell phone holder that allows you to capture beautifully lit photos completely hands-free. When it comes to Christmas gifts for friends who have a narcissistic streak, this one is pretty much perfect.
Getting out of bed is hard, no doubt. But some people spend so much time in it, you’d think their mattress was attached to their back. So why not indulge their need to always be comfy and cozy with bed prism glasses? They’ll think of you everytime they watch TV, read a book, text out of work sick, or whatever else they may be doing from their beloved horizontal position. It’s also a low-key way to handle Christmas gifts for friends who are too insanely lazy to even answer your texts.
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There are some nasty folks out there who think it’s perfectly acceptable to raw dawg their finger in their nose. THIS HAS TO STOP! Like at least use a tissue, damn. The Ooogiebear is made for babies, but it will also double as a gift to let your friend be disgusting without grossing you out. You know what they say, you can pick your friends and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your friends’ noses!
As a vegetarian, I find myself partial to this one. Maybe it’s because I’m sick of hearing comments like “but don’t you miss bacon?” (I most certainly do not) or “are you sure you’re getting enough protein?” (according to my blood tests, yes!). Either way, vegan jerky is the best Christmas gifts for friends that can’t stop talking about how great their lifestyle is. Just shutup and eat this, OK?
Strong language isn’t a bad thing–it’s a perfectly acceptable means of releasing any pent-up frustration. However, there’s still a time and place for it. Some people forget that, help them remember with How Not to Be a Dick: An Everyday Etiquette Guide. The book offers tips on how to be a better person in nearly all aspects of life, from your relationships to how you behave on the internet.
Price: $14.95 (regularly $18)
Babies eat, poop, and make messes. Adults eat, poop, and make messes too, but are also expected to clean them up (unfair). For the ultra lazy, even a Swiffer can seem like too much effort–which is why they just leave their crumbs all over the place for you to step on. Fix that piggie problem real quick with Christimas gifts for friends who can never be bothered to clean: A pair of machine-washable mop slippers!
Do you know someone who saves their lollipop wrapper for when they’re “sick of the flavor” and claim to “not be finished?” You might try and gaslight yourself into thinking they “didn’t just do that,” but in your heart of hearts, you know they did. Make this disgusting habit a little more civilized with a dedicated lollipop robot.
“Sorry, my phone died.” How many times have you heard that? Too many to count, probably. Quit putting up with their lies and gift them a portable power bank (bonus if it’s on a hard-to-lose-keychain). This way you know they’re not answering you simply because they don’t want to talk to you. Another bonus about Christmas gifts for friends like these: after you give it to them, you can make passive-aggressive remarks about the gift (and how they aren’t using it) for life. Bingo.
We might be grown-ass adults, but some of us still spill and dribble food and drink all over ourselves. Christmas gifts for friends like this are a no-brainer: They need an adult sippy cup. So if you’re sick of wiping up someone else’s mess (or just want to be able to trade clothes without fear of it coming back stained) grab one of the Sammons Preston Kennedy cups. They’re designed to be used with both hot and cold beverages and are even completely dishwasher safe–so there’s virtually no mess!
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Marisa Losciale specializes in NSFW culture, audio gear, and photography. A former editorial and photo director for Spoon University at SUNY New Paltz, her work has been featured in the Rockwell Center for American Visual Studies, Post-Trash, the New Paltz Oracle, and the Legislative Gazette.